[Tokyohands]

I am an 18 year old male who has always been attracted to females, when i was a little boy before puberty i had girl crushes and all through puberty i used to fantasize about girls my age and masturbate ovet straight porn. However i got bored of my first gf as i lost attraction to her as she was skinny with no boobs or bum(worry 1). I love girls bums and i think my fetish are girls with fat *** and take ****(worry2). I also am currently in a relationship with a very attractive girl. However i am starting to lose attraction to her as the 'hooney moon period' has past and i found myself imagining her to be other girls. I am also very frustrated with the number of sexual partners ive had. Anyway last month i smoked weed and while high i thought to myself 'am i gay' i freaked out. The day after i had a very low sex drive and didnt have sex with my gf. That lead me to question my sexuallity and have a panic attack. A month later and its ruining my life i have the constant fear that im 'turning gay' or was 'gay all along' or i am a closet homosexual. This is affecting my attraction towards girls and i struggle to even masturbate without getting anxious. However, i have had sex 3 times this month. All being successful. Also i have never found a guy sexually attractive in my life, never fancied one, never fantasized or masturbated over one. Why do i have such a low sex drive and fear of being gay for?

[CANDC]

I am so sorry you are suffering from self doubt about your identity. You can talk to your therapist about meds or talk therapy. Maybe you are realizing there is more to relationships than sex. Women are much more than bodies, there are emotions and ideas. You are waking up to life and going past the limitations of the conditioning received earlier in life.

I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable.

Glad you are joining us here. There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[vishee15]

Hi,

This sometimes happens when you open your mind and you become more aware. You are aware of certain things in your mind, and this is ok because we are supposed to be aware like this in our higher states of being. That doesn't make you gay. But you need to accept that these feelings are there or these fears are there and let them come to you without fear and you will realise there is actually nothing to fear.

Peace

[avlady]

i don't think this situation means you're gay, you are just getting used to your sexuality, whatever it may or may not be.