[neb96]

Before I explain, I'll give a little background first:
I'm 18, in my last year of college, and have Aspergers Syndrome. I live on a small island. I had a language learning delay of about 2 years, but I don't have any language deficits now. When I was a toddler, when my parents and teachers would try to place me amongst other children, I would just go off on my own and play with a toy.

Now for the issue at hand:
I think I may have social anxiety (and depression), but I'm not sure.
All my life I've been quite shy, and unsure of what to say and do in social situations.
However, ever since high school, I've had periods where I feel ultra self conscious. The first time I felt like it, it lasted for about 2 years straight with no respite, and ruined my high school experience. I was too ashamed about it (and unsure of how to explain it) to tell anyone about it, even my dad, who I live with.
Then, I became best friends with a new person at the school and this friendship made me feel so much better overall. However, I was always so, so worried that he secretly didn't like me and that he only became friends with me as a bet or something. However, I would reassure myself that this wasn't likely. I would always feel incredibly jealous even if he just spoke to another friend of his. I would worry that he liked them more than me. Of course, I didn't express my worries to him (or anyone). I eventually started to think that he was a closeted homosexual, and that he secretly fancied me (there were signs, but that's irrelevant to this post). At about the same time I finished high school, he de-friended me. I was really upset short term, but once I recovered, I felt so much better than I had done before because it felt good that someone had even bothered to have a friendship with me.
In college, however, I went through a (approximately) 6 month period where I felt ultra self-conscious.
So, to sum up, I occasionally go through periods (or have single days) where I feel ultra self-conscious.
When I feel like that, my face feels really stiff, and I don't know what facial expression to have, I can't relax my face. My heartbeat increases, and I think I can hear people whispering about me, but I'm not sure if my mind is just making sounds up. I feel weighed down and numb, I don't feel any particular emotion, but I know that I feel negative and unenthusiastic. A quote from a sufferer of depression perfectly sums up how it feels: "Someone could have put a firework up my *** and I wouldn't have cared". It makes it quite embarrassing if someone tells a joke and everyone laughs, but I'm unable to even pretend. My eyes feel sore and they water. I really want to rub them dry, but I resist the temptation to in case people think I'm crying and wiping tears out of my eyes. My vision goes a little blurry as a result sometimes. I'm also quite clumsy, which is quite embarrassing and just adds to the feeling that everyone is watching.
Something that isn't just specific to when I feel self conscious is my walking. I can't walk properly anymore, because one day I started to think about how I was walking, and I haven't been able to walk properly since. At first I limped, but then I learned to control my walk a little so I didn't limp. For some reason, I have little problem walking around left hand corners, but I have to almost stop when walking around right hand corners, otherwise, I'll almost fall over. I put my hands in my pockets because my arms don't naturally move anymore when I walk. I'm afraid to get a job after college almost solely because of my walking problems.
I've read up on social anxiety, and think this may be what I have, but then I read things that people have said, such as that they've thrown up with worry before, and I've never got to that stage. So, I'm not exactly sure if I'm just being influenced by what I'm reading too much?

[Crazy Hitch]

Thank you for sharing this with us neb96

I understand what you mean when you say: "I'm not exactly sure if I'm just being influenced by what I'm reading too much?"

I feel this way sometimes too. I wonder if within my own self when I'm researching up on something if I'm not unconsciously identifying with symptoms.

However.

The reason why I wanted to leave you a quick note is to quickly tell you the following.

When I've had circumstances/symptoms in my own personal life that I feel are holding me back from functioning or having the best mental health mindset etc, I've gone to my family doctor for advice about the issue.

I'm just wondering if you'd be able to get further advice about this in that way.

To answer your question. I'm no expert at all. So this is merely a personal reflection. I would say off the top of my head, when I think of those that I know who do have social anxiety, yes, you are showing symptoms of anxiety within social settings beyond the anxiety level one would anticipate.

But.

It could be something else entirely.

I simply don't know.

Either way, I really wish for you, that when you are faced with these social situations, you are able to eventually work your way towards finding a sense of peace and calm within you in order to handle these situations.

I found this quick blog for you here on PsychCentral - you might want to have a quick read

4 Psychological Tactics for Overcoming Social Anxiety | Psych Central

[avlady]

i also don't want to put something in your head it may or may not be. it does sound like social anxiety as i know stuff about it because my son suffers from it. the self consciousness sounds alot like it could be. then again, you need to see a doc or t to find out. it could be several things i never even heard of before because i'm not to skilled about pshycology, i can and usualy listen.