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#1
Jul 16, 2015, 11:48 AM
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Hi,
Just wondering if anyone can relate to having a fear of or anxiety around intimacy and vulnerability? After doing a little Google research I stumbled on those phrases which seem to really capture feelings I've had for years and didn't know how to express. I've been in a happy long term relationship for 3 years, but I struggle with that sometimes because I'm used to keeping people at a distance. Spending time with his family is stressful; they're great people, but that means I have to establish new relationships which is mentally exhausting and terrifying. When we go to a family function it's stressful and I'm irritated until I get home (I try not to let that irritation show). Same with friendships. I'm a nice and friendly kind of guy, but I don't open up or talk to people about myself easily. This seems to be getting worse the older I get. I'm not asking for advice, but if you have it I'll listen. I just wanted to see if these feelings or experiences resonate with anyone. |
 i dont matter
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#2
Jul 17, 2015, 01:13 PM
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Yes I can relate. I keep people at a distance because of emotional abuse I have suffered growing up. I think it also boils down to self-love. Someone with a healthy self-love for themselves can be vulnerable. While I believe I do love myself, I think there is some work that needs to be done in my area of self confidence. You've already been with this person for three years - that's huge. You've already won the majority of the battle. Because people who struggle with intimacy or vulnerability have a hard time staying with someone for even one year. Take it day by day, step by step. Don't overwhelm yourself with thoughts about the future, or what-if scenarios in your relationship. Enjoy it. When you start having those negative thoughts, immediately replace them with positive thoughts. You gotta catch yourself whenever you're having those fear-of-commitment internal dialogues. Thoughts are powerful things. So nip those in the bud and start training yourself to view it more positively, this will bring your fear level down before you know it.
__________________
"Re-examine all you have been told, dismiss what insults your soul." - Walt Whitman "Never be a spectator of unfairness or stupidity. The grave will supply plenty of time for silence." - Christopher Hitchens "I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience." - Mark Twain |
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#3
Jul 17, 2015, 05:04 PM
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Thanks CosmicRose
 I've been trying to mentally redirect myself when I have those negative thoughts. It works about half the time.
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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