[thunderbear]

Ive been away from here for almost 2 years. There has been a lot happening. 2 years ago right before Christmas my living room roof fell in. My husband, son and I moved to his grandparents (we consider them his parents as they have raised him from birth). Me him seperated in April 20014. I came back here in June because I had broken my ankle. His aunt (gmas sister) commited suicide. His gma and I were very closeand she was taking the death of her only sibling very hard. I took care of her. Made her eat and get out of bed. Then I found her dead from a heart attack on the morning of August 13th. Shr has been there all night. Thats when all this anxiety flared up. Husbands Grandfather is like a father to me. So I stayed here looking after him. But my husband and I fought so much that I left in late Oct. I moved 80 miles away and was doing well. I was able to ween off of Celexa and daily kolonipin. I ended up moving back up here because I consider my husband and his family my family. And I missed them. So I moved 10 miles away and lived in a house with my two cousins. I was on an early morning date with a man I had known my whole life when I got the call that my husbands uncle had shot himself on our sidewalk. I got here just as they were removing my uncles body. My husband had been the one to find him. He was in shock and had blood on him. He hadnt spoken to anyone but the police. They wanted to call in their crisis couseler but he just wanted to talk to me. He told me what he had seen that morning. The details of everything. I gave him a kolonipin to calm him down because after he opened up, he started paniking. I had never seen that man panic before but he was shaking, crying, nearly fainting. We walked outside and you cant walk outside without seeing what had happened. My husband was falling apart. I looked around and seen parts of my uncle everywhere. His kids were on their way and I couldnt let them see that. My husband was despondant and not in any shape to see that oafter everything. So for an hour and a half, I cleaned it up. Then just last week we lost another uncle. 4 people within a year. There were only 5. Now all thats left is Papaw. He lost his sister in law, wife, son and little brother all unexpected and two by suicid. I still go there a few times a week to help my husband and papaw clean the house. I bring them dinner and stuff. I live the next town over about 4 miles away. My anxiety is a constant. I cant get images of what I cleaned up out of my head. Its hard to function somedays. Others I am hyperaroused. Seeing that triggered a lot. Ive told my psychiatrist about my anxiety. Its messing with me physically. Ive lost a lot of weight. My hormones are messed up my period comes every 2 weeks. I keep headaches etc. My doc will not raise or modify my meds. Im gonna stop asking. I need to know how to deal with this. Im falling apart. My anger is hard to control. I feel alone.

Oh wow. I am so sorry for everything you are going through right now. I wish that I had words, but I don't, but you aren't alone. You have people here that are here for you, even if its just for your yell and vent. I hope that you find the strength to push through these hard times. My condolences to your family for your many tragic losses.

[SillyKitty]

I'm so sorry this has all happened to you and I don't have any words of wisdom to give you. I just want you to know we are here for you.

[thunderbear]

Thanks you all. Im hypersroused today. And I lost my ins. So that means no doc appt or meds. I run out on the 12th. Im scared.

Thinking of you and sending hugs

[healingme4me]

((((Thunderbear)))) my heart aches for you.

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((( thunderbear ))))))))

[CANDC]

Originally Posted by thunderbear

Thanks you all. Im hypersroused today. And I lost my ins. So that means no doc appt or meds. I run out on the 12th. Im scared.

It is so tough to go through tough times. Wish I had more than words to comfort you on your losses.

There are programs where drug makers will provide free or low cost meds to people who cannot pay for them. There may also be Medicaid available in your state.