Anxiety of becoming a rapist

I'm a 23 year old male and first off I would like to say that I have never (except for squeezing one girl's butt in a bar while drunk when I was 16) touched a woman inappropriately or hurt a woman on purpose. Aside from my mother, sister's and girlfriends I never even felt anger towards a woman. I have had a girlfriend for 2 years now and I haven't once hurt her and besides from trying to coerce her into having sex and touching her sensualy to try to get her in the mood have never forced myself on her.

However, I do have sexual fantasies about raping women. I masturbated over a dozen times to a sexual scenario that involved rape and have even watched my fair share of rape porn. I know that rape fantasies are very common in men aswell as in women but it still makes me feel insecure about the ability to control myself. I have suffered from intrusive thoughts in the past and last week I was biking home from work late at night and I saw a girl walking on the sidewalk alone. Then the thought popped into my head "Hey I could rape her right now." and I got really anxious about it. I didn't get turned on by it or actually had an urge but the thought was still there and this was not the first time I've had it. Whenever this happened I never actually had the urge to do it and never got turned on. I've been in situations before when I was alone with a woman and I could've easily raped her but 9/10 times I don't even think about rape in these situations and whenever I do I scare myself and don't get aroused.

So the jist of it is, I'm scared that someday I am going to feel an urge because I have these fantasies and thoughts and that I can't restrain myself from acting on it. Is this just an irrational fear and am I making myself crazy? I feel like I'm a good guy and I'm totally not aggresive or condescending to women. Please help me out.

To summarize: I'm not a violent or sexist guy. I don't have the urge to rape someone but I'm afraid that some day I might get that urge.

that would be a scarry thought to have, i am a woman though, so i don't know the feeling coming from a man. you should talk about this with a doc or t. it does sound a bit off, but i don't judge you and know little on this subject.

Yes, please get help from a therapist.

Hi, I think you should talk to a therapist or a psychiatrist about these fleeting thoughts. You sound like you are suffering from this and seem like a nice person. Be well and stay safe. Please seek professional help.

I feel like you didn't read my post since I never had an urge. I just fantasize about it but never actually wanted to do it. I think I'm just beating myself up over this because I would never rape someone. I think it's just my anxiety/ocd flaring up.

Hi, I did read it and I chose the wrong word, I'm sorry. I was thinking of more like "intrusive thought" rather than urge. But that kind of goes into an OCD diagnosis and I know we can't diagnosis here.

I am sorry if my post came across wrong, please excuse the word "urge." I wasn't implying you're on the brink of acting out...but I can see how that reads wrong. I'm not suggesting you're a sexual predator, at all. I'm sorry.

That's ok, thank you for answering. I read on the internet that rape fantasies and watching rape porn is actually quite common and that there's nothing wrong with fantasies as long as you don't act out on them. I believe I have a strong sense of what consent is and no urge at all to actually sexually assault anyone. I've been with 9 women in my life and the sex was always quite timid (nothing violent or too kinky). I guess my worrying about this is just anxiety about a scenario in which I suddenly "snap" and do something terrible. Sounds pretty irrational when I say it like this I'm going to try to accept that I have this fear and move on. I don't feel like this warrants seeing a professional.

Yeah this sounds similar to some ocd intrusive thoughts where you worry of doing something that goes against your morals. I've always heard if the thought you are having scares you and makes you feel really bad, it's probably more anxiety related and I think accepting it and letting it go is a good idea. Probably once you stop worrying about it the thoughts will lessen. If anything changes or you start thinking about it more/ only being able to watch that one type of porn, plotting out scenarios.... Etc. Then of course seek therapy.

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You're welcome! Also, a lot of people aren't into "vanilla sex" and there is nothing wrong with that, at all. It all comes down to trust, consent and compatability, in my opinion. I'm in a monogamous, long term relationship with my boyfriend and, well, we aren't into vanilla sex. Hope that isn't TMI...my point is that, well, with a relationship built on love and trust, there are likely many women out there that are seeking something other than vanilla/timid. I'll leave it at that as I may be straying off-topic. Be well.

Thinking about something is the first step to DOING it. It wouldn't hurt to consult a professional; it might prevent you from committing a crime.

Sometimes I want to slap certain people who have wronged me, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it. Sometimes I fantasize about going to the store at 2 am and buying five tubs of ben & jerry's ice cream, but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it. Sometimes I fantasize about marrying Gerard Butler or Alexander Skarsgard but that doesn't mean I'm going to do it. My point is that thoughts are thoughts. Actions are actions. We have a conscience that differentiates what is acceptable or not to act upon and what is harmful to act upon.

If you feel that you would never hurt a woman, then what's the problem? Sounds to me like you're just having a bit of OCD about a thought because you're guilting yourself.

I think it mostly sounds like something that you r anxiety centers on. Like for me I'm paranoid about someone choking, because I worry that if they do I'll try to save them and it won't work and they'll die in my arms. (I've saved quite a few people so far, but still it's a major fear).
To me it doesn't sound like you're at ft isk of doing anything, but perhaps part of it is that you don't feel 100% safe in your manic periods being controlled? Because wouldn't that be the time you'd be most "at risk"?
If you see a therapist or counselor or someone regularly I would certainly bring it up, just to try to get to the root if the fear, in hopes of quelling it.