[introspectiveme]

I don't try to make friends because I'm afraid that they might reject me, i don't deal with rejection very well. I don't express myself because I think I might look silly or do something stupid. I don't smile because I think I look stupid.

I may have ideas worth exploring, but I don't share them with anyone else because they might dismiss it. I keep my ideas to myself and it never goes anywhere.

I don't give my 100% because I'm afraid that I may find out I'm not good enough at something, I don't like failure. I know that I can learn a lot from failure, but failure is very disheartening for me.

[gayleggg]

I think a lot of us feel this way. It's part of the anxiety issue.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by gayleggg

I think a lot of us feel this way. It's part of the anxiety issue.

yes, i do have pretty bad anxiety at times.

Most people I know face failure and rejection, but move on. They tell me life is full of opportunities and i shouldn't hold myself back, but it's hard

[maruf]

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

I don't try to make friends because I'm afraid that they might reject me, i don't deal with rejection very well. I don't express myself because I think I might look silly or do something stupid. I don't smile because I think I look stupid.

I may have ideas worth exploring, but I don't share them with anyone else because they might dismiss it. I keep my ideas to myself and it never goes anywhere.

I don't give my 100% because I'm afraid that I may find out I'm not good enough at something, I don't like failure. I know that I can learn a lot from failure, but failure is very disheartening for me.

I feel your pain, as I myself always avoid confrontation bcoz of the fear of rejection/fear of being annoying towards others. I think you have some traits of Avoidant Personality like me. You may read it here Avoidant Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by maruf

I feel your pain, as I myself always avoid confrontation bcoz of the fear of rejection/fear of being annoying towards others. I think you have some traits of Avoidant Personality like me. You may read it here Avoidant Personality Disorder Symptoms | Psych Central

Thank you for the link, I can relate to a lot of what's written.

I sometimes even have trouble with mundane things like shopping. A Few days ago, I spent about 20 minutes waiting outside a store, looking in from the outside, gathering enough confidence to walk in. I have to tell myself that the store clerks are there to help me, not judge me. Sometimes I might even 'scout' a shop for several days before actually entering it to buy stuff.

[Nike007]

I do have a major fear of rejection and failure, but I find this is because of my social anxiety and that I want to please everyone because if I don't, they make deem me as a failure and reject me and I would live alone .

[maruf]

Originally Posted by introspectiveme

Thank you for the link, I can relate to a lot of what's written.

I sometimes even have trouble with mundane things like shopping. A Few days ago, I spent about 20 minutes waiting outside a store, looking in from the outside, gathering enough confidence to walk in. I have to tell myself that the store clerks are there to help me, not judge me. Sometimes I might even 'scout' a shop for several days before actually entering it to buy stuff.

Similar things happen a lot to me. Nrfore entering a shop for example, I always check how many ppl there, I enter only if I find it empty

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by Nike007

I do have a major fear of rejection and failure, but I find this is because of my social anxiety and that I want to please everyone because if I don't, they make deem me as a failure and reject me and I would live alone .

Same with me too. I often try to please everyone

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by maruf

Similar things happen a lot to me. Nrfore entering a shop for example, I always check how many ppl there, I enter only if I find it empty

Yup, that is exactly what I do too

[GoldMineGutted]

Originally Posted by maruf

fear of being annoying towards others.[/url]

That is such a brutal feeling. I spend way too much time with that one. Even when social responses I get from others say the opposite I still dwell on it. So annoying.

[autumn15]

I know exactly how you feel too. I'm 26 and am only just starting to realize how badly I have been affected by anxiety since I was really young.

No matter how many articles i read on overcoming social anxiety and fear of failure and anxiety in general, I just can't seem to kick it entirely.

Lately I have trying to force myself to do things that cause anxiety like speaking up more around people, going to more events, just doing more things that scare the hell out of me or cause any sort of discomfort etc. It has been working and giving me more confidence slowly but I still find myself back in that overthinking everything, self-doubt rut from time to time. I suppose it takes a while to change our habits and triggers.

I have been trying to remind myself constantly that other people don't spend a lot of time thinking about me and my life. They have their own life to worry about so I don't need to worry as much about looking stupid or being a failure. I think we tend to believe that if we aren't the perfect person, everyone will completely hate us and think we are an inferior being. If someone is like that then they have their own set of problems and definitely aren't worth having in your life when they act like that.

We just need to focus on being who we want to be and doing whatever it takes to achieve that.

Sometimes it helps me to remember that in the giant scheme of things, we are such a small part of the universe that anything we do or don't do has a minuscule effect. So, we may as well make the very most of the small amount of time we have. (I know it sounds a bit morbid but try to just see the positives in it).

My husband always tells me i need to ignite the 'I don't give a s**t' mindset more often. If used in the right context, it can do wonders.

[maruf]

Originally Posted by autumn15

. I have been trying to remind myself constantly that other people don't spend alot of time thinking about me and my life. They have their own life to worry about so I don't need to worry as much about looking stupid or being a failure. I think wetend to believe that if we aren't the perfect person, everyone will completely hate us and think we are an inferior being. If someone is like that then they have their own set of problems and definitely aren't worth having in your life when they act like that.

That's a good point. The challenge is to sink the message inside us.

[autumn15]

Originally Posted by maruf

That's a good point. The challenge is to sink the message inside us.

Yes that sure is the hardest part. And practicing the art of letting go of our insecurities is much easier said than done! We need to keep on trying and remember to cut ourselves some slack in the process

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by autumn15

I know exactly how you feel too. I'm 26 and am only just starting to realize how badly I have been affected by anxiety since I was really young.

No matter how many articles i read on overcoming social anxiety and fear of failure and anxiety in general, I just can't seem to kick it entirely.

Lately I have trying to force myself to do things that cause anxiety like speaking up more around people, going to more events, just doing more things that scare the hell out of me or cause any sort of discomfort etc. It has been working and giving me more confidence slowly but I still find myself back in that overthinking everything, self-doubt rut from time to time. I suppose it takes a while to change our habits and triggers.

I have been trying to remind myself constantly that other people don't spend a lot of time thinking about me and my life. They have their own life to worry about so I don't need to worry as much about looking stupid or being a failure. I think we tend to believe that if we aren't the perfect person, everyone will completely hate us and think we are an inferior being. If someone is like that then they have their own set of problems and definitely aren't worth having in your life when they act like that.

We just need to focus on being who we want to be and doing whatever it takes to achieve that.

My husband always tells me i need to ignite the 'I don't give a s**t' mindset more often. If used in the right context, it can do wonders.

That's exactly right! I've been trying to teach myself this. I often feel like everyone is judging me when they are most likely just minding their own business and have their own insecurities and concerns. I never make eye contact assuming they're looking straight at me, but when I do, i often realize that they're staring blankly in my general direction or something like that.

Sometimes it helps me to remember that in the giant scheme of things, we are such a small part of the universe that anything we do or don't do has a minuscule effect. So, we may as well make the very most of the small amount of time we have. (I know it sounds a bit morbid but try to just see the positives in it).

We are so similar sometimes it makes me feel better, other times it makes me feel worse because other people are living their lives to the fullest and don't think too much about the grander scheme of things.

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by autumn15

.....
Sometimes it helps me to remember that in the giant scheme of things, we are such a small part of the universe that anything we do or don't do has a minuscule effect. So, we may as well make the very most of the small amount of time we have. (I know it sounds a bit morbid but try to just see the positives in it).

My husband always tells me i need to ignite the 'I don't give a s**t' mindset more often. If used in the right context, it can do wonders.

This is why I feel such awe when I look up at the night sky full of stars and think of the vastness of space and the tiny part I play in the universe which really doesn't know or care about me.

I sometimes think about what will it matter what I said, did, etc. a million years from now.....

It can definitely help to invoke the 'don't give a s**t' attitude when dealing with uncomfortable situations.

The world is a stage and we are merely players, playing a part, fulfill your dreams, play the part you feel in your heart of hearts regardless of what anyone may think.

[maruf]

Originally Posted by kennyc

This is why I feel such awe when I look up at the night sky full of stars and think of the vastness of space and the tiny part I play in the universe which really doesn't know or care about me.

Really, our part is tiny from one point of view. But for every individual, the struggles of life are huge. But I feel strange when I realize that one day I will leave, leaving behind everything I used to hold dear.

[kennyc]

Originally Posted by maruf

Really, our part is tiny from one point of view. But for every individual, the struggles of life are huge. But I feel strange when I realize that one day I will leave, leaving behind everything I used to hold dear.

Yep, that ol' double-edged sword.

[introspectiveme]

Originally Posted by maruf

Really, our part is tiny from one point of view. But for every individual, the struggles of life are huge. But I feel strange when I realize that one day I will leave, leaving behind everything I used to hold dear.

We may hold on to something dearly for our entire lives, but when it's time, it instantly means nothing because you're gone. We are forced to stop caring, there's nothing we can do. I find that so unfair, but in the grander scheme of things, it means nothing at all.

[maruf]

It feels really good to communicate with guys like you, sharing same outlook & same struggles. Honestly, I never found same-minded friends in real life, even I never believed that people like me exist at all until I joined here.