Anxiety Daily Check-In Point #3

I don't know if I'm capable of being social or even talking to people today. Yet here I am, posting on the forum. My mental illness makes no sense at all.

Someone is trying to scam us out of $25 on paypal, saying we bought something from them. Even went as far as mailing us some trash so they could get a tracking number to prove they shipped something. The more I think about it the more it gets my blood boiling and makes my anxiety skyrocket.

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My anxiety is through the roof. I am actually shaking a bit.

My anxiety at the moment is low, but my day has been:
Morning : High
Noon: Moderate
Afternoon : High
Evening : Low
It's not a roller coaster like this everyday, some days it is all High.

If you have a TV, could you put on a familiar show? That sounds more comfortable, if you could use things to relax.

Yeah, I am trying to calm down now. I feel dizzy and lightheaded though, so I am laying down with my laptop.

I hate the dizziness. I'm still getting legs of jello every time I see the stairs.

Anxiety, butterflys, fear and guilt for no reason, butterflys. Upset stomach, trembly and afraid.

Tempering it with reminders of reality - I have done nothing wrong, I am not in trouble, there is no impending doom coming.

Trying to breath slow, and deep - not shallow and halting.

afraid.

Anxiety and panic makes no sense.

I am feeling pressure from my job and trying to keep my anxiety from kicking in as a reaction to it. The pressure is my mind believing there is a threat. Others wanting things done from me 'yesterday' isn't a real threat, it is an unreasonable expectation. I can only work with today moment by moment. 'Yesterday' isn't available.

I woke up stressed this morning from a disturbing dream. Hoping to calm down some before going to work.

Anxiety has been through the roof today, I've already taken 2 of my benzos but they don't seem to be helping much. Frustration with things not working is making me feel worse, plus I'm trying to write up some reports for the first time, even though I normally don't feel competent enough to write them. People here don't seem to be keeping up on their jobs, and it's making mine more frustrating. And on top of everything else I had to call back an attorney who called earlier about a client. I don't like making phone calls as it is, and attorneys intimidate me, even though I've not yet actually talked to one. I hoped every time it rang that no one would answer, and then after hanging up absolutely hated the voicemail I left.

I was pretty nervous seeing my therapist today. I'm going to yoga tomorrow and nervous about that.

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After my workout and my ativan, I feel better but today was such a hard day.

I hate my work. I hate that I'm a tempt at 28 near 29 and that I'm winning nothing to get the experience for a good job. That I feel betrayed because it was supposed to be just a little "help" in the archives and then came two weeks and now it's going to be a month and I feel that they are taking advantage of me, abusing me and I feel so angry and hurt and my brain can stop telling me that I'm wasting my time and I should do something more but that I should wait, that people suffer more than me with ****** jobs for years and try to not denigrate me and accept my feelings and gahhhhhhhhh

I feel obsolete and that I'm doing a work for primary education and the 10 years of my career might as well just throw up and work do whatever.

I feel betrayed. I feel used. I want to scream at them and spit in their faces and I want to work and win some money and do something productive of my life and not fear unemployment or poverty each day and try not to cry. To forgive myself for what I have done.

The anxiety has been elevated over the last week. Despite 6 months of having it relatively under control (CBT) it spiked last week in advance of volunteer work I was slated to do the last several days. As with other such performance situations I have been worrying about my ability to perform at an above average level (I am so worried about being passable that I tend to overdo it and perform at a high level - at extreme cost to my emotional well being). I worked hard with my CBT to cope and strategize but there was no getting around my worry of utter failure - and resulting humiliation.

Why should I feel this way? I mean, I'm not getting paid. There is no investment in me then to have perfect expectations. There is then nothing riding on this. The evidence is more to the fact that the expectations be rather minimal. If I screw up big deal.

But it is a big deal. I still have a need to be perfect, to garner positive attention that will translate to my feeling an aounce of worth.

Anxiety is such a ruler of life.

I nearly fainted because of an anxiety attack today.

Having a tough time with my anxiety today. I can't even explain.

Been a tough week for anxiety and panic for me. Today got so bad that I took medication which has me more chilled out over it all now. Our youngest child turns 23 this weekend we are going to see him. He is the one that attacked me few years ago so I get flashbacks everytime I see him. He has said since the age of 18 that he would never reach 23. Said it as recently as 2 weeks ago while hospitalized so I am anxious as hell over his birthday and can't wait until this weekend has come and gone and everything is okay, hopefully.

Hoping the weekend goes well for you!

Trying to deal with living with my grandma again as my guy kicked me out while I was in a psych ward. 10 days I was in there when I learned of my new situation... Oh man.

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Well I got through last week okay. I even had positive feedback about my performance. I ended the week with a busy weekend but my anxiety was better under control.

A little anxious today. It isn't so much about what I have to do as it is about getting from points A to B to C on time. The schedule is very tight. People are expecting and/or counting on me.

I'm so anxious about going to see my t this afternoon. I don't want to go, I feel like everything is so hopeless, why should I bother?

i feel completely messed up today. if i could go back to bed i would. i need to hide from the world for a bit.

When you get dumped and change your Facebook status... Every single bad guy for you messages you.

I had to disable my Facebook I felt so anxious.

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I feel anxious because my brother may visit this summer. He's a bully towards me.

i haven't left the house and am doing ok. but i can't stop shaking and it's driving me a little nuts.