Panic attacks :(

I've had anxiety issues for so long. For awhile,I overcame them a great deal by discovering spiritual principles like meditation but after more life things,sure enough,I guess I got worse. Since last spring,I started suffering panic attacks after a guy possibly tried to break into my house. No one was around and I had to handle it all on my own(calling the cops) and considering I have agoraphobia(feel embarrassed admitting this),well it was an especially pretty bad things to happen to me. I should feel grateful that look,I handled it all on my own and I found some meaning in the event and why from a spiritual reason it happened,however,ever since I started panic attacks. Basically,at first just at night,then when I moved,I thought I'd get a fresh start and get better,but then I had panic attacks even in the morning,afternoon or night and think people were after me or would try to break in and harm me. I was so worried about neighbors plotting to get and I moved and some changes were made(the house was awful so me and roommate decided to leave after 2 months there).

I was so relieved to get out of there and get a fresh start but until we could move into new place,I had to stay with people I don't get along with that trigger deep emotional wounds within me. It was supposed to be only for two weeks or so until new place was ready but because I ended up having my panic attacks go to an all time high,it started to become clear my panics were worse then I thought. I'd wake up in the middle of the night with my chest racing thinking I was about to die,I had an ear problem come up from the stress and sore chest and heart palpitations. A lot of stress happened while staying there so we didn't sleep in our new apartment right away because my panics got too bad. I was too scared to be alone so would go back and forth staying with people who were home at the time. We started easing into sleeping in our apartment and since it's become more and more clear I can't always rely on someone to always stay around and no one seems to take what i'm going through seriously,I knew it was time to push myself more and more. Today,I'm doing exposure therapy of trying to stay alone for two hours this morning at apartment. I'm really scared but I have felt so powerless and like i'm just treated worse because of what i'm going through. I want my life back. I miss all my happy things. I did start taking some vitamins recently which has helped and have done acupuncture. Both things have helped but I do still need more work at it,because I still find myself getting very nervous at times. I told myself if my ear got better and chest,I'd take a bigger leap and stay alone more and my ear is almost healed now and chest has calmed now a good amount. Life has just gotten so out of control. I know I will overcome this. It just makes me so sad that all these years working at getting over agoraphobia and ever since that incident in spring i'm worse then ever! I can't even go out or do normal things like I was able to do before things have gotten to their worst. It didn't help that once we stayed with some people that i ended up having so much stress that it made me so crazy and that then moving into new apartment I had really awful thoughts that made me scared to live here. The messed up thoughts have hit a low lately(like horror movie bad) but acupuncture actually did help ALOT with that. I just feel I need to go back because I still had more to heal and haven't gone in for a session like I wanted to last week because of holidays and things being closed because of holiday hours. It also doesn't help that it's winter which makes things just seem generally harder to overcome but of course I know that overcoming in the hardest season just makes me even stronger. Alot has been going against me but little by little i am getting better and all will work out.

I wish I would have some great wisdom to provide. I do not. I just want to say you are never truly alone. Keep that positive thought that "all will work out."

Well,things didn't go as well as I thought. I had a pretty rough morning. After having a thought that didn't feel like mine at all,I got very nervous and sure enough my heart went crazy again while trying to sleep so at the last minute paniced and didn't stay home alone. The person who I went with was so mean to me and mad I didn't stay alone like I said that for two hours they insulted me and just weren't nice even though they could see I was in distress and that it was making my chest hurt. By the time I got to a place to try and go back to sleep,I couldn't sleep because on and off my chest kept feeling like it was pounding out of my chest and I was worried I was going to die. One of the worst it's been. I did some EFT and got a hold of person I was anxious about wanting to respond and some other people talked to me too which helped and I went out for a bit with someone to get tea and pastry but still hadn't slept all night because of the panics. Finally,person who wasn't very nice to me calmed down a little though and I went to relative's house and stayed there for a bit and fell asleep. The sleep helped and I am doing ok now. Chest isn't perfect but it's better. I did get to try a more miniature version of exposure therapy when we got home tonight where I was left alone in the apartment for 15 minutes.It made me feel good to do at least something to improve upon things. I just know in my heart if i could stop being stressed,and also if I could sleep,my chest would feel so much better but it's like every day this certain person can't stop stressing me and it ends up inducing me to have anxiety and panic. I just don't understand how someone can be so unempathetic. I'm at a point now where i'm scared to go to sleep because I fear my chest going nuts. The thing is,it's so obvious to everyone it's just because I won't relax and it's all my mind but it doesn't help it to go away. I seen the chest issues start to completely go away but the stressors didn't and so the chest started getting bad again.

I wrote an update and it disappeared. I didn't do my exposure therapy in the morning because I had a thought that didn't feel like mine come to me that made me very nervous and after that my chest started acting up and scared me so at last minute i paniced and didn't do it and person got mad at me and was mean to me for two hours calling me names,etc even though I told them they were physically distressing me and to stop and by the time I got somewhere to sleep for a bit,well my chest went on and off nuts all morning and then got stressed not hearing from someone and other triggers made me scared and panic. I did some EFT which helped and finally,I heard from the person and heard from other people and went out to get tea and pastry. My heart was calmer by now. Still hadn't slept all night or morning and then person came to get me and after a bit were calmer. I was taken to my dad's and after a bit fell asleep which also helped. Person came and got me and we went to our apartment and I got to try a mini version of exposure therapy I tried to do in morning of staying alone for 15 minutes which felt good to do at least something to improve my condition. I just know in my heart if the external stressors would stop,my chest would get better. It started to get completely better but then the stressors didn't and so it got worse again. I don't understand how someone can be so unempathetic to just not stress me out until i'm in better condition. I can't get a day without something. I'm at a point now where I literally dread going to sleep since this often happens when trying to go to sleep. Sometimes,I even feel like my heart is playing tricks on me where I think it's beating fast but then pause and pay attention and realize it's actually really slow. Everyone says I just need to relax and it's all in my mind but still I just wish people could empathize and especially please don't do things that will provoke me to have an anxiety or panic attack or anger.

Thank you.