Fear of going crazy from false memories

I have been worried about developing scitzophrenia or psychosis for the longest time. These worries started after I experienced a bout of depersonalization where I woke up one morning with a memory in my head and I at first thought it was real, but later thought that i might have been remembering a dream. I've replayed the memory in my head over and over for 3 years and cant figure it out. I've posted about it before, and worry daily that I am losing touch with reality because of it.
These last few days have been horrible for me, my anxiety has been through the roof and I began to obsess about the memory again, determined to figure out if it's true or not. There is no way to prove this memory one way or the other though, so my efforts are a useless compulsion.
I was thinking yesterday that maybe I shouldn't have canceled therapy this week, then I could have talked about these types of things and got them off my chest.
This is the disturbing part for me: it was then that I suddenly had a fleeting, random thought pop into my head that my therapy office sent me a letter asking why I cancelled therapy.
I knew immediately that this never happened, but when the thought first popped into my head it sort of felt like it did. I am 100% positive it did not happen though.
Now I am freaking out because I'm worrying that this could mean I'm delusional! I'm worried that I dreamed the thing about the letter and that what happened to me 3 years ago will happen again!
I get a random false memory almost exactly like this one come to me from time to time.. I think it is just OCD's way of keeping the worrying about going crazy/memory distrust theme alive, since my ovreal anxiety about the event is still so high. I just don't understand why I would get a sudden random thought of receiving that letter that felt like a true memory...when it wasnt. It's made me feel totally crazy so any opinions anyone has about this are appreciated greatly!!!

I'm sorry that you're suffering.

Did you have a traumatic event in your life? Maybe something triggered your memory on a subconscious level 3 years ago.

If so, you may be suffering from PTSD.

I may be totally off, but I wanted to start with this line of questions.

Yeah, continue therapy.

Thanks. I did not have any traumatic events happen to me, so idk where this all is coming from that's going on with me right now

We are with you defyinggravity. Know that.

Defying Gravity, you are not alone. I have lived much trauma and PTSD, and i struggle with memories which i have suppressed. What we tend to do is rationalize or try to figure out the blank spots where the memory is missing. That can lead us to false assumptions which we can mistake for reality. That is what counseling is there for, to help us process it out and find what is fact and what is assumption. That does not necessarily mean one is illusional so don't be so hard on yourself. Especially if people lied to us in the past to believe something wasn't true to cover their actions. This is worth thinking about with your therapist. Journal the thoughts, questions, and read them next time in therapy. It will help you tremendously. blessings and tc

*Hugs tightly*

Talk to your therapist about it. That's the best thing I can say. Hopefully they can help you sort through all of this. I also agree with omegalamed -- journaling can also help. At least it might also help you sort through everything that you're feeling.

I hope this helps, at least.

Thank you

No problem. I'm going through the same thing -- more daytime flashes than anything else, but still pretty bad. You aren't alone.

Thanks it's just so scary to have ocd and then to not know whether something happened to you or not. And I don't have PTSD so I don't know what it is.

No problem. And I know. It's terrifying.

I don't know if it helps, but if you ever need someone to talk to, my inbox is open.