[richeye]

Hey everybody,

I've been suffering from an anxiety disorder for over 20.5 years. I masked it for 10 of those years with alcohol and chasing women and work, until i had to go on disability. Alcoholics anonymous has been an extreme blessing, but it hasn't cured the fact that i'm still not ready for the world.

How do i desensitize and grow up? At my orientation at Virginina Tech in the summer of 1995, i felt a fear that i had never felt before, and thought it was normal. But i told my parents that i needed to stay home for a year at the local University in order to 'get ready'. I'm still not ready after all of these years. I"ve come a long way, but emotionally i'm still immature, and now that i've taken away my masks and addictions, i'm scared.

I don't know if there is any kind of desenitiziation to 'growing up', but i wouldn't mind hearing if any of you can relate.

Rich

[avlady]

i went to a local college but was in an accident my last semester and only need about 3 classes for a Bachelors. i kept saying i would go back and did actually get an associates with some of the credits. i do want a bachelors but don't have the money or time and strength to go back. i feel like you like you're not ready, and don't know if i'll ever be. i guess i just accepted an associates would be enough but i do want more now. i 55 years old so it doesn't seem to be in my favor anymore too.

[Stillcloseted]

I can relate rich.
I have been in fear of life in general since as long as I can remember. I remember as a small child the feeling of dread and anxiety of not fitting in. I would lay in bed at night with a lump in my throat worrying about everything. I would worry about having to meet and talk in school and I wanted it to rain on weekends so I didn't have to "play with the other kids" I still feel this way as an adult. It seems like I have read all the books, seen counseling, prescribed so many type of medication and I know all the answers but I cannot beat this huge fear. They say face your fears but when I do I feel worse about myself. Thank you. It feels good to get it all out on this forum.

[richeye]

I was able to graduate from Old Dominion University on time, with a good degree and a good GPA, but i had one hell of a time getting through the day, especialy my senior year.

I don't know about y'all, but i am very indecisive. It's like i want complete certainty that i'm making the right decision, otherwise i'm scared out of my mind. I can't "live and let live" that well because i'm scared and want that comfort.

But anyway

[LonelyPony]

Originally Posted by Stillcloseted

I can relate rich.
I have been in fear of life in general since as long as I can remember. I remember as a small child the feeling of dread and anxiety of not fitting in. I would lay in bed at night with a lump in my throat worrying about everything. I would worry about having to meet and talk in school and I wanted it to rain on weekends so I didn't have to "play with the other kids" I still feel this way as an adult. It seems like I have read all the books, seen counseling, prescribed so many type of medication and I know all the answers but I cannot beat this huge fear. They say face your fears but when I do I feel worse about myself. Thank you. It feels good to get it all out on this forum.

Oh my goodness, it's so strange to hear someone else saying it but this is the exact way I've felt my whole life too. Nowadays I have had to grow up a bit and move out of my parents house because I felt I needed to, but I get so overwhelmed and can't make any decisions so I end up doing nothing and hiding inside alone. I gets very isolated and worrying for the future.

Small steps I think.

[Mookster]

I feel I still have a lot of growing up to do, I'm 52 years old and feel like I've been living in my teens for years, all my coping skills and ways of dealing with things all seem to stunted in my youth. I haven't brought this up to my T's yet, we are still trying to deal with my anxiety, tho I think this might be the next step in getting through that. I've had anxiety since I was at least 10 years old, that's my first memory of being in total fear. Like you I found ways around it, drinking, drugs in high school helped me a lot. College was a total bust the first couple of shots... The last time I started out one class at a time while I was working, and by the time I'd finished 2 or 3 classes, my brother wanted to do the same course so I had him with me through the rest of it which helped me a lot. Otherwise I'm not sure I would have made the last attempt either.

I'm not sure what can be done to "grow up" tho I know I need to do it, facing those fears just seems impossible right now tho. Sigh.....