Between social media and real life | Social Anxiety

I've just found out about my social anxiety. I've been focusing my whole life about friendship that i basically don't have enough time to think about anything else. Idk if my case is severe or not.

I'm a very active social media user (with few followers lol), i have instagram, twitter, facebook, path, etc. I regularly comment on my friends posts, sometimes using sarcasm and i'm okay with it. I initiate lots of conversation in line and facebook, and people think that i'm fun, outgoing, funny and lively.

But at school everything's different. I feel insecure, lonely, hated, empty. Even my best friend seems like a stranger. I feel guilty, like a pain to everybody else. No matter how many people say that i'm pretty, smart, talented, awesome, cool, great, etc. Those are just lies in my head.. I can't seem to appreciate anything, i feel worthless. I can't initiate talk to people, i'm afraid they'll think i'm weird and boring. Because of that i freeze and become awkward, some girls in my school even make fun of my awkwardness, it really hurts.

I feel weak, small and awkward talking to people i think are more superior, even though they're actually okay being around me. When people bring me in their circles, i kick myself out. That's basically my friendship life in real life. There's usually awkward silence when i speak, and sometimes i even tremble (usually when the person i'm talking to is a popular kid, doesn't apply to guys though. I'm a 'one of the guys' type of girl) I'm THAT afraid to be judged, i don't have any faith in myself.

I don't have any problem in having new friends though. EXCEPT they're a well known-instagram famous-social butterfly. Then i have a problem with that.

I'm in 12th grade, and I'm supposed to be focusing in applying college and universities. But I'm not. I'm really scared that this anxiety will eventually ruin my opportunities.

I am in the same boat that I am worried anxiety will ruin my opportunities.

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I would slowly withdraw from the overuse of social media.

I think the real problem is the fears you've built up around people and the social media is a safe escape. I would start to ask what your fears are around people and then consider how founded in reality they are. I think the best place to start though is with friends and family. Find someone who you trust and let them know some of your struggles. Part of the problem is the shame around having these fears or embarrassment of not living up to some standards. Opening up to someone will really help. Posting here was a great first step. Kudos to you.

Jason

Other than social anxiety, it seems to me that you also have low self esteem. You pretty much put yourself down in your entire post. And the only place you find find comfort at is behind a screen. As far as the people who make fun of you, to hell with them. Many people face negative peers in high school. Kids can me cruel. Nothing makes me mad like bullying! I think you should really consider therapy in your case. Work on your self esteem first of all. I understand what it's like to feel more comfort when your words are typed rather then said aloud. Many people are more outgoing online. I am to an extent. And when people don't respond to my comments, I get embarrassed and question my words. What you're feeling and experiencing isn't rare. Many of us have been there.

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