[Nike007]

Hello. I have made some references about this in post because it was a big anxiety trigger for a while, but now that's done and overall it was pretty good. I had some OCD symptoms that I'll mention in the OCD section, but I had one bad anxiety night. During a dinner, I got anxiety symptoms like feeling really hot, heart racing, sudden rush of anxiety, and a sudden rush of wanting to leave. So I waited ten minutes and I went to the staff table and asked if I could go outside to cool off due to anxiety. I didn't mention the anxiety part. They said not without anyone. So I waited near outside and the principal came and asked me if I am okay. I was overwhelmed for some reason. So I told her that and we went outside. She said if I needed to go outside again, go talk to her and we'll go. But I felt embarrassed to go to the staff table again due to fear of people judging me about seeing the staff again, so I went by myself. I was tired and that was the worse decision because I didn't tell anyone where I was, and I also went by myself, two rules which we were suppose to follow. I basically hide somewhere, and people were looking for me in the hotel. I worried my music teacher to death, who is the only person I cared about on the trip. I just wanted space and not in the bathroom. So people were worried about me. I really needed to sleep after that because I was mad at myself for doing this. I thought my music teacher hated me so I asked the next day if she did and she said she didn't, just I made her really worried (note, I have trouble knowing the difference between worried, frustrated, and angry). Everything was good after this, but my principal wasn't too impressed. I am seeing the social worker tomorrow and will tell her this, but I don't know why I would think to do this. I think it was a combination of anxious, tired, and stressed. So this was the main anxiety event of the trip. Oh yeah, and after when people found me, the principal wanted me to stay later and it was the worst elephant in the room possible. The staff was talking about the trip and what we were doing tomorrow as I am sitting there, not hungry, eating my food and recovering from high anxiety. I felt the same, or even worse, from before the event and no one seemed to care. It was awkward. I felt awkward. I wanted to leave, but the principal said I couldn't for some reason. Anyways, I just needed to write this somewhere.

[gayleggg]

I'm glad you made the trip okay. It's shame you worried others.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I am glad you are back from your trip