[BT500]

Hello- first, thank you for taking time to read this. I will do my best to keep it from getting long and wordy.

I am 30 years old and for as long as I can remember, I am pretty sure I have social anxiety/GAD. I will often get terrible stomach aches before/during social events, I have trouble making eye contact sometimes and if I am really uncomfortable/unsure/on the spot I turn SO red I am almost purple in the face which just exacerbates my anxiety. I worry a lot, have trouble falling asleep, get easily overwhelmed and turn mole hills into mountains.

Lately I have been having this feeling that people find me annoying. I'll be in conversation with a group of my friends and I will notice that they will quickly look at each other and smile and then resume listening to me. Almost as if to non-verbally say to each other "there she goes again...". It's made me very self-conscience and now I feel that people would maybe rather not hang out with me. It's really hurt my self esteem. I am not sure if I should ask, or if that's annoying. I'm just feeling like I am totally incompetent in maintaining friendships. It seems as if they all start out great, and then they slowly fizzle out and then we never really talk anymore. I try for a few months to meet up for coffee or hanging out but always get a "yeah, awesome!" but when it comes to actually nailing down a date/time, my calls and texts go unanswered.

I guess I don't know what I am even asking. I feel a little crazy. Is this in my head or is this a real problem? Am I somehow annoying to others? What is it? What am I doing that turns people off to me? Maybe if anyone has some good recommended reading for social anxiety disorders/self help books. I have been on and off medication for years, currently off. I don't like how emotionally dead they make me feel. I don't have good insurance, so counseling is out of the question. I guess I just need to know if this self esteem thing is connected to anxiety or if I possibly have something else going on. I want to read a good book on these issues for helping understand myself. I feel like I don't know who I am and I am so uncertain of myself.

[handheart]

Definetively you have anxiety cauzed by low self esteem negative thoughts etc .This creaate negative thinkings that create also negative actions and thats way you dont have self confidence .I was in a dificult situation like you and this system here helped me on changing the way i think .It revire my brain and it unlocked my mind .By using some good tehniques of thinking and hypnsis also i change the paradigms from subconstient mind and this helped me a lot

[Skeezyks]

Hello BT500: I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral... from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. There are many caring & knowledgeable members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more connected to the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join, & chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff!

While we here on PC cannot diagnose you, from what you wrote, it certainly does sound as though you have social anxiety issues. I don't know of any books on this subject. You might consider posting another Thread here on PC asking for book recommendations. Put, in the title, that you're asking for book recommendations for social anxiety. See what you get.

If you have one friend whom you feel close to, you might try asking that person how you come across to others. This can be tricky though. It sort-of puts the person you ask on the spot. They may or may not feel comfortable giving you their honest assessment. It's unfortunate that you can't afford counseling. That might be just the thing. Have you looked into services that might be available at no cost or on a sliding-fee schedule? A support group of some sort might be an alternative to individual counseling.