[metalchick]

I think I suffer from a variety of problems. One is that I am in a horrible relationship with someone. We have two kids together, but I can't stand him. He has become a completely different person over the last few years and it is getting worse. I don't know if this can cause social anxiety. He has said many things to me like everyone hates me and no one likes me. I am a fat sausage.
I have never been the most outgoing person but at least I had somewhat of a social life. That all changed when the kids were born. I work a stressful job with a lot of hours and when I am off, I have to clean, cook, do laundry and errands. Really no time for me to make friends. I am the boss too so hanging with the staff is not an option. I want to join groups where I can meet people with the same interests and issues as me, but there never seems to be a good time with my work schedule and I have to be home at night for the kids.
I know I need to make good friends with people I just don't have an interest. Does that make any sense?
I think I am so stressed out and trying to do the best that I can for my kids that I pushed myself out of the picture.
In order for my life to be the way I want it to be
I think I really need to change my job and have less hours but I can't lose the money because I have to pay for most of the bills. I really can't live like this anymore . I am so stuck in so many ways. I think this world is better off without me. I think my kids would be better off too.

[MusicLover82]

From what I'm hearing you say, YOU are not the problem. Nobody is better off without you, except maybe your significant other who you would be WAY better off without. This guy sounds like he is poisoning your mind. Let me be clear: he is emotionally abusing you. No wonder you feel like s***. Get rid of the abusive *********, and I bet your life will get so much better.

As for making time for friends goes, do you have someone who could babysit so you can do something social or go to a support group once or twice a week? You deserve it!! Hugs!!!

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[metalchick]

Thanks for your advice. It's like a big circle of doom and I am stuck in the middle. I have a sitter but she works at night. I really can't afford to pay for anything more anyway. I can't change jobs, I have the kids/house to support. Their father treats me like crap. My boss gave me the day off. (1st time in 10 years ) my oldest daughter wanted to stay home from school and my youngest wanted me to take her and pick her up. I agreed since this is the first school day off I have had since the first day of school. And their father will keep them home anytime he feels like it. And I really don't want to be home alone with him. So I am having a good time walking my youngest to school and he comes plowing down the street pulls over and askes about our daughter. I said she wanted to stay home today. And he flipped out. Rolled up the window and drove off. I get to the school, and this lady on the pto with him was looking me up and down. This is one of the women in question. I get back home and he criticized me for not working the doors at the school because that's what he does. (Sure he does he stands there with a skinny b. dressed like a cheap hooker) I replied I am not on the pto. You made it clear that you don't want me there so that you can make friends with all the women there. He said what are you talking about. ..I said I volunteered but you make up reasons for me to go away. Like you need to stay home with the dog or when I am helping while he he socializing with the two women in in question he tells me to take the kids home to leave don't worry we got this. Or when the meetings were at my house...he would set exactly enough chairs for everyone but me and I would have to watch the kids (all of them) my dogs since a lady was afraid of them and clean up after his mess since he cooks them all a nice meal and does vodka shots, makes sangria and gives it to them in my travel coffee cups and not to mention the beer. So yeah I would say mr president that you kicked me out. He replied that is all in your mind and that it would have been good for the kids to see you help out. Wtf is it me? Really I can take it. I am a grown up but why would I do that...why would I even think about that when I am being looked up and down by a woman who is supposedly over the house all the time who is now looking me up and down. Honestly I don't feel comfortable even going there anymore. I have even come to events to helo out and he tells me to go. But in some way I am a bad mom because I didn't watch the door and he is better than me because he does.

So anyway it's a big circle of doom. Can't go out...no money and no time...why because he doesn't help much with the way of paying bills. He does drive a sport car, buys new clothes almost every week, joined an elite gym, and spends about a grand a month on eating out. He certainly never takes me out or brings anything home for me. So who is he feeding? So I can't change jobs...need to keep my paycheck so I can pay for everything. So I am stuck in a circle of doom.

[handheart]

Hey dont think to leave life because you will make bad to your childrens .Well take its easy find some days and analize the situation .First if you think that this job its to stresant you must find another one because if you continue in stress you will get very anxious and depresed etc and dont want that .And i think your husband its bad .he is working ? I think you are to responsable for life and him dont care about you ,in my opinion you are a great person but other profit from you .Take action on your life and speak with your husband to help you out if he dont care i think you should take this step ,you know what i mean