Does anyone else freak out if someone tries to touch/comfort them while they're having a panic attack or very upset? It's almost like it hurts in a way I can't really explain. But I verbally and sometimes physically lash out when someone tries to comfort me. Luckily I've gone most of my life without people trying to comfort me or even knowing/caring that I'm having a panic attack/upset.

I just want to know if this is a normal part of anxiety or not.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Yes it can be, especially given that you are not used to getting comfort from others.

Yeah, I'm definitely not used to it. I was actually allergic to touch as a child and I remember my mom saying I couldn't stand to be swaddled. But still, I can handle it from certain people if I'm not too upset or having a panic attack.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

When you are in a panic attack - your emotions are in an overload, so you are extra sensitive to things that cause you any kind of "unease" generally anyway. So it would not be surprising for this to happen. The only people I would expect it perhaps to not happen with are those you can feel comfortable and relaxed with when they comfort you when you are not in a panic attack.

The only person this has happened with is the only person I feel relatively comfortable being touched by usually, my boyfriend. Although in the beginning, he did have to teach me how to "do" touch for lack of a better way to say it. I had no idea how to touch someone when they kissed me for example. I have no idea if that's relevant or not.

I just feel horrible that I'm unable to warn him not to touch me in a nice way soon enough and he can't sense it based on my body language (he has Aspergers) and then he gets caught up in it. He can recognize anxiety symptoms, but not when I can't be touched. And it's too natural for him to immediately try to touch me in what should be a comforting way especially when I'm upset.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

My fiance and I had the same troubles for years.

I am a very "touchy" person when I comfort others - he could not handle being touched bc of the abuse he underwent as a child. After a few months, he was ok with it when he was "rational" but if he ever became triggered by something - and I tried to comfort him that way, I risked getting hit. It wasn't til about a year ago that changed. We have been together almost 10yrs. Just keep working on it patiently and lovingly together and talk together about your concerns and how to handle them best etc. After a time when you feel you have progressed a bit more, you can let him touch or come closer to touching a bit more...this is how he and I worked on it

I guess it's tough because I don't really have what feels like a good reason. Other than not getting much physical affection as a child but I was allergic to it or apparently didn't want it so it's more my fault. There was maybe a little bit of verbal/emotional abuse but I don't really associate that with touch.

I'm thinking maybe if I just request that he asks first when I'm upset. Even if I'm having trouble speaking, I should be able to nod or shake my head. Or tell him that no response could safely be assumed to be a no. I just think having some warning before he touches me will help me be ok with it. Of course this means he'll have to be able to tell when I'm having a panic attack or am upset. He has been able to spot it if he's paying attention.

[Gabbie1314]

I have witnessed this before and it can definitely be a normal piece of anxiety. I have witnessed many couples who struggle because as a caregiver you want to help those in need especially by the use of touch but when you are having a panic attack that may be the last thing you need. The best thing you can do is try to educate those around you so that they can help you in these moments rather than make things worse.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

It may have to do with this too:

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Haphephobia

Not sure... What do you think?

[Pflaumenkeks]

Sorry to burst into the conversation, but I was so happy to see this thread because I can so much rely to it.

I experience the same thing, allthough in my case it seems it's because I get angry. When I'm in this state no one is allowed to touch me (unless they want to be the focus on my anger, then go on) allthough had a loving and comforting family.
My T says she thinks it's pretty normal that when you're angry, you don't want to be "hold". Most people feel the need to vent out, not to snuggle. (But I also still struggle on the part were it physically hurts, maybe we need to talk about that in my next session)

Problem for me is: Everyone wants to comfort me. I look kind of frustrated when I'm angry and then they all want to hug me. I hate it so much.
(this may have mostly to do with me being a person percieved as female in a male dominated environment. I noticed that they don't do this to their male collegues)

You suggested that your bf asks bevor he tries to comfort you: I think that's a great idea! For me, it helped. And more important, the more I learned that a "no" wouldn't hurt our relationship, the more we could handle this situations.

[handheart]

Yes i experience this also and i think its negative reaction from mind to stop other people to help us .May sound strange but this its true

[QueenCopper]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

Does anyone else freak out if someone tries to touch/comfort them while they're having a panic attack or very upset? It's almost like it hurts in a way I can't really explain. But I verbally and sometimes physically lash out when someone tries to comfort me. Luckily I've gone most of my life without people trying to comfort me or even knowing/caring that I'm having a panic attack/upset.

I just want to know if this is a normal part of anxiety or not.

Yes, I cannot stand to be touched when I am having a panic attack. It actually makes the panic attach worse for me. I am not comfortable with a lot of touch anyway. I don't want to be comforted when I am like that I just want to be left alone.

@Crypts_of_the_Mind
I don't think it's a fear response...it's more of an angry response. Or an overwhelmed response. I just wish he'd ask before he touched me when I'm really upset and angry more than he does. He has a tendency to be hurt if I tell him not to touch me.

And it gets worse if we're out in public since I'm still pretty uncomfortable with public displays of affection as it is.

@Pflaumenkeks
Yeah, I guess it could be because I'm female (although gender-wise, people who know me would know I'm in between). All the stuff I do within my field are all pretty male dominated still and there's still a lot of very vocal men who believe women are incapable and inferior. There's plenty of it subconsciously ingrained in men as well still... But whether I were a guy or not, I'd probably still be comforted that way in a romantic relationship, which has been the only time this issue has come up so far, so I don't know.

@handheart
That doesn't sound strange at all. It makes a lot of sense actually.

@QueenCopper
It's good to know I'm not the only one who experiences this. I mainly just need to get away from all noise and people in order to calm down.

[Crypts_Of_The_Mind]

Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.

@Crypts_of_the_Mind
I don't think it's a fear response...it's more of an angry response. Or an overwhelmed response. I just wish he'd ask before he touched me when I'm really upset and angry more than he does. He has a tendency to be hurt if I tell him not to touch me.

Seems to me then what we talked about at the start is about right then. It's basically the same as what my fiance and I used to go through. You can get through it - just takes a lot of time, patience, understanding and most importantly - communication.