I've had low level Social Anxiety in the past, it never stopped me getting out and meeting people but it made it difficult. In recent years I've made leaps and bounds, best of all I've made friendships, some casual, a few closer, it's been really great.

This week however I had a bit of a set back and it was related to an unfortunate disagreement with my sister (we are both adults with our own families btw, she is the elder one), there had been a misunderstanding and whereas I apologised for my part in it she kept insisting I was entirely to blame. From my perspective (and other family members agree) it was not a case of 'blame' or 'fault', just an unfortunate misunderstanding which we could learn from.

She was aggressive with me and hung up the phone, she has not been in touch since. She has frozen me out in the past in this way so I'm prepared this may be a long haul.

Anyway, I logically accept this is a situation that time will likely heal, but it sparked some anxious thoughts in me. These thoughts seemed to sprout as if from no where, I'm aware they are silly and illogical but they are still popping into my mind.

Basically it has made me feel anxious about other friendships. At my sports club one of my regular partners didn't pick me, I have been off form recently so she wanted someone who was a better match, logically I know that but it felt like a punch in the gut. At school I was always one of the last to be picked for team games, and I could feel that same desperate feeling of being unwanted.

I could go on, but to cut short without going into repetitive details there have been several incidents where I have worried that I am not 'good enough' to be worthy of friends time and effort. I had an anxiety dream whereby several friends who are nice people were angry with me and did not want to speak to me, for some unexplained reason. As my husband says, you don't need to be a psychiatrist to work that one out.

All that just from one argument with my sister. It's not like my SA came back full throttle but I was certainly more aware of it than I had been for quite some time.

How do we deal with relapses? Are there frontline strategies we can deploy in stressful situations to protect ourselves?

Thank you

[Skeezyks]

Hello prefabsprout: Thanks for this interesting & thought-provoking post. I am a follower of the writings of the Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön. And one of the things Ani Pema teaches is... we have to practice the skills that are taught within the Buddhist tradition when dealing with the little everyday things that come up so that, when something big comes up, we're ready. If we think we can just wait until one of those big things come up & then apply what we've read about, we're just wrong.

So, with that in mind, I think what I would say, with regard to frontline strategies is... we have to learn & practice coping skills day-to-day before something significant comes up so that, when something like that does occur, it's second-nature to apply our learned coping skills. In my case, this means striving to create space in the midst of a disagreement so that I (hopefully) have time to respond wisely rather than to "shoot-from-the -hip", so to speak. And also it means accepting whatever does come up with loving kindness & compassion.