[mindmadness]

The other day my brother was out with a friend and his family; my brother's 16. By 11 at night he hadn't come home. He never said what time he'd be back, but I didn't expect it to be that late. Periodically I'd tell my mom we had to do something but she told me I was being crazy and he was safe. I'd have thoughts such as, "What if he were to die in a car accident and I didn't grieve for him? Would that mean I didn't love him?" Sure enough, he came home shortly before 12:30, but I was so frought with worry I couldn't sleep until he got home and I was bothering everyone in the house. Thoughts?

[TishaBuv]

Hi MM,

I'm assuming you're young. Worries about your brother's safety sound like some general anxiety. Most of us worry about the worst happening, then we try to calm ourselves and hope for the best.

The part that you go to about 'what if you didn't grieve for him, would that mean you don't love him?' Is a strange place to go in that worry. Where do you think those thoughts are coming from?

My father died suddenly when I was 12. I never cried. I think I went into shock. I know I loved him.

[mindmadness]

The what if I don't grieve when they die is a common worry I've had for over 5 years. When my grandfather died, he'd suffered and it was expected, I wasn't upset but I sometimes pretended to be for my family's sake. Quite the contrary, I was actually excited for the funeral because I would see family members I don't often see. But one time my mom had a scare when she had to be taken to the hospital for a night, and I was hysterical, acting as if she were dead. I'm sorry about your father and yes I'm a week from 18. Thanks for your support. Will you please answer my post in the Depression forum called "Newspapers and Betrayal?"

on the subject of death and dying, 1 of the things that has always scared me is never greeving for family and friends

seriously.. a celebrity will die (MJ, amy winehouse, terry pratchett) i'll be devistated.. even if i didn't really like them much

some one i know dies.. and i don't show any emotion what so ever

scary really

can i just say that it took me 2 years to get over the death of michael jackson

constant crying

[honeysalt]

You're not alone when it comes to worrying you won't grieve "properly". Grieving is a very difficult and confusing process even for those who would be considered the most "average" or """normal""" (using that loosely). There's no wrong or right way to grieve, as it varies so much person to person. Even if you were to not externally (or possibly even internally) demonstrate the "typical" grieving process after a loss, you would still be technically grieving-- albeit not necessarily in a beneficial way.

(Sorry if I went too in-depth or made that too lengthy, I just know for me personally outlining the facts behind whatever I'm panicking about helps me sort thru it as I appreciate things based in logic. I just want you to know that 1. you're not alone in feeling that way, and 2. you weren't wrong in how you handled it in the past with the loss of your grandfather)

[honeysalt]

I realize now how absolutely patronizing that entire comment is coming off and I would delete it but I think you can't do that here

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We all grieve differently. I think it depends too on one's involvment in our lives as well as the circumstances. When my grandmother passed away (I was a child) I was quite upset. I looked upon her as my hero. On the other hand when my mother passed I shed not a tear - and I was conscious of those around me noticing and likely being critical of the fact. Oh it wasn't like I was happy or anything but we weren't close. She actually made my life miserable. My uncle on the otherhand was the closest adult I had to me yet I was grateful when he passed owing to the pain and circumstances of his illness.

During all three immediate periods of mourning I reacted differently - and was worried what people would think of my reactions. But you know I looked around and saw that each person around me was grieving in their own way; that there was no right or wrong way to do so. Each reaction is appropriate to each circumstance. Don't worry because if this should happen that you find yourself in mourning, your feelings are natural. And screw people who judge you anyway.

Originally Posted by honeysalt

I realize now how absolutely patronizing that entire comment is coming off and I would delete it but I think you can't do that here

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

actually you can

you can edit your post to remove the comment

or you can report the post and ask for it to be deleted (only 5)

hope this helps

[honeysalt]

thank you!!!

[handheart]

Anxiety want you to feel woried ,fear etc .Stop beying so afraid of bad things until you see clear results ,dont let anxiety to control you so much