I've just realised I'm scared of being happy. I never really have been, my life became a struggle from the get-go. I was scared of my dad who had a violent streak, and my mum didn't really want to know me.

I think that over the years, I've identified with being miserable. I always seem to have some sort of disaster or other to deal with. My physical health has never been very good and I constantly worry about it. Right now, I'm waiting for test results to find out if I have cancer, and keep thinking 'If I don't have it, then I can maybe contemplate being happy..' Happiness is always if and when, not now..

Maybe it's just fear of the unknown? I feel I wouldn't be 'myself' if I became happy.. But that's crazy, right - no matter what I feel or think, it's always me doing it, isn't it.. If tomorrow I stop worrying, it's still me not worrying as opposed to me worrying in the past..

I also fear that if I become happy and start to trust that everything's OK, something bad will happen and I'll come tumbling down hard..

Just wanted to share and see if maybe there are others feeling this way, and if you've come up with ways to get past this.. I'm really tired of this, the constant drama is exhausting and I'm pretty sure it's why my friends have scarpered as well..

[*Laurie*]

'I also fear that if I become happy and start to trust that everything's OK, something bad will happen and I'll come tumbling down hard.' That's exactly how I feel. It's not a pleasant way to live. I wish I had some answers for you, but I struggle with the same thing.

[BLUEDOVE]

Bear with me on this,because it is genuine. You may addicted
to being unhappy; I know,sounds nuts,but it is not your conscious
mind who directs this,but your UNconscious! Which is why you
don't know about it. Please get this book: "Addicted To Unhappiness",by Martha and William J. Pieper,who are both docs.It is tricky to explain,so will take a while for you to really
"get it",but it will stop you blaming dear self,and then work out
your strategies to combat it.
Kind Regards,
BLUEDOVE

Thank you so much for sharing, LauraBeth! It's OK that you don't have a solution for this yet - maybe we can come up with something together, or perhaps someone else can help us.. Anyway, it sometimes helps to just share and learn we're not alone with our feelings

Thank you, BLUEDOVE I completely believe this.. They say we'll be attracted to what we know, that which feels familiar, and often it's unconscious.. Like choosing partners that are no good for us if that's what we grew up with. We know how to be in that misery.

Money's tight at the moment but I'll see if I can get my hands on that book.. I was also reading about this earlier today and think I'll try finding something small to be happy about every day and keep track (journal or something) of how many times that happiness is - or isn't - followed by something bad.. Hopefully in time, I'll learn to disassociate the two.

[i dont matter]

being happy would be to tempt fate. Cuz all hell would come down on you if you were happy......

That's how I always felt, too. Whenever I've dared be happy even just for a moment and over little things, I've kind of caught myself and reminded myself it's not safe to become too happy.. I've also thought that IF something bad follows me being happy, then I'll never EVER even TRY to find anything to be happy about ever again!

It's the weirdest thing - since starting this thread and thinking about this, for the first time, I find myself thinking, nah, if I'm happy, and something bad happens, I'll try EVERYTHING to be EVEN happier.. Like I'm flipping misery the bird Guess my therapist was right, our natural state is happiness, feeling light and at ease..

[thesnowqueen]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

It's the weirdest thing - since starting this thread and thinking about this, for the first time, I find myself thinking, nah, if I'm happy, and something bad happens, I'll try EVERYTHING to be EVEN happier.. Like I'm flipping misery the bird Guess my therapist was right, our natural state is happiness, feeling light and at ease..

I love this! Think I'll try it too

I'm scared of setting myself up for dissapointmet

[IchbinkeinTeufel]

Very common, this. People are often afraid to be happy without realising it, hence.. misery loves company; or at least that's how I see it.

[Kay8010]

Yes I feel the same the more sad and worried I am the better I am as if I am happy something bad is bound to happen

[handheart]

Well this its not your fault its your parents fault because they make you to suffer a lot on your childhood .You must find a way to repair this and to decide that you want to be happy .The process its not easy and you must have a lot of patience .Start by planting everyday beautyful thoughts with emotion find some happy things and enjoy for them .Watch Bob Proctor paradigm shift