[jjgbirder]

Does anyone have any advice for someone who is afraid of making mistakes? I have been a perfectionist for most (all) of my life. It is something I am working on changing. This summer I suffered a set-back in my Master's work that forced me to go non-thesis. I am still dealing with my own disappointment in myself. The set-back was related to me being unable to deal with the stress associated with the field work I was doing and having to make quick-decisions. I went into a deep depression / anxiety and am still recovering. I'm so indecisive with making decisions! I fear making the wrong decision and then having to face the consequences (I tend to be a people pleaser which is not good either). Any advice from other's experiences is greatly appreciated. I really want to work on changing my thoughts. Thanks.

[vintagexsoul]

I feel that....all our mistakes are a lesson. And that we can learn a lot from them? Do you think the world's geniuses never made mistakes? They made loads of them. And got closer to their discoveries and achievements by doing so. I think the first experimental 100 light bulbs didn't work. It's always important to take something bad or disappointing, and turning it into a strength and achievement. Laughing at yourself along the way is good medicine.

I'm really sorry you had setbacks and went through all this. Such unexpected things happen in life. I was in graduate school and had a set back as well, that made me actually have to resign from school. I'm 6 years behind getting my masters because of becoming partially disabled. It was a low for me, for some time, but I'm better now and I know that I can always go back to school. And will. It's really okay to make mistakes and not be perfect. No one else is.

[Yzen]

I feel you have to learn to become comfortable with mistakes. Don't let yourself feel embarrassed by them. Embrace the feeling you get when making mistakes instead of fighting with yourself over it. By learning to accept and embrace those moments, you start to draw a new line of what imperfection you can tolerate. The tendency is to want to fight to make everything go perfectly, but that traps us into the anxiety of always trying to control the outcome. That fight takes enormous amounts of energy and makes the experience less enjoyable.

In the end, you can't control everything. There is always an element of uncertainty you can't predict and that is fine. Expect it and accept you will handle that uncertainty when it shows itself as a 'mistake'.

[Unrigged64072835]

Every decision I make has consequences, and some of them are unexpected and unwanted. I just deal with those as they come. Worrying about making a decision is using up energy I could be using somewhere else. I don't like making mistakes as much as the next person, and even more so because I'm a perfectionist as well. But not making decisions is not living a life, and I don't have much time left to do so.

[ItalFin]

Hi, jjgbirder, thank you for sharing.

I fear making mistakes, as well. Plenty of mistakes have led me to change the time line of my life. But it is important to know that there is no shame in having to those changes. I try to think of those mistakes objectively and identify the good in them, as well as what I have to fix. I then pride myself on the good, and make a solid plan (in writing to make it concrete!) to adjust my future actions in an attempt to not make the same mistake. Even if I improve only a little, I again pride myself about the improvement, and readjust my plan again.

This process was far from easy, and I could not have done it without help from my therapist, friends, and family (I luckily have a few friends/family members who will give it to me straight!). But it has certainly helped me to achieve success, and I hope what has helped me can do the same for you!

[ItalFin]

Hi, jjgbirder, thanks for sharing.

I also fear making mistakes. Plenty of them have forced me to change the "time line" of my life a few times, but it was important for me to understand that those changes are not shameful. In fact, those adaptations show strength.

It also helped me to have people around me who could give an objective opinion on my mistakes, to help me find the good and bad in those mistakes. From there, I would pride myself on the good, and then make a concrete plan (in writing!) to give myself a fighting chance at not making that mistake again. Even if I do, now I've learned even more about how I can adjust. And if I make a different mistake, I adjust the plan accordingly.

[jjgbirder]

I just had a really REALLY bad day yesterday... I know my anxiety and depression is situational, and that I should face my fears, but after yesterday... I don't know how much more I can take it. I'm seriously considering dropping out tomorrow (my parents agree).

For many of us we confuse making a mistake with being a mistake ... Somehow that got ingrained in us somewhere along the way and now it's difficult to realize that just because we mess up doesn't mean that we are messed up ... I have to constantly remind myself of this, but it's still quite a challenge nonetheless!

[Fuzzybear]