Boyfriend's motorcycle hobby causes anxiety

My boyfriend's motorcycle riding causes me a lot of grief. First of all there is the fear he will get himself seriously hurt. But it is the people associated with it that cause me anxiety too.

When he takes me to the Harley Davidson store my anxiety spikes. I am nervous around the staff and in particular the other patrons of the store. I realize most riders are pretty normal everyday people but still, I am nervous. I am filled with dread when a more sketchier individual in appearance shows up - especially if they are between myself and the door. It feels like his talking to the staff takes an eternity.

I am also uncomfortable around my boyfriend's colleagues. He belongs to a club. It is a beign sort of group which basically rides for a charitable cause (veterans). I am aware that for the most part these are average people. But I feel awkward and threatened and quite scared when I attend club functions. On two occasions I have had to lie about feeling unwell so I could escape the sensation of being trapped. Another difficulty is I have nothing in common with these people - not even the spouses (I am the only woman who will not ride as a passenger). Many women ride their own bikes too and I keep getting asked when I will take up the hobby myself. As such I feel like an outsider to be looked down upon.

I've told him I am uncomfortable. His answer is to remind me I am with him and he will protect me from harm. I don't want to be a let down to him so I begrudgingly go.

My bf wants a fast crotch rocket. I said hell no. I couldn't imagine if he got hurt. I see people acting dumb on them all the time. Cutting people off and weaving around cars. Nope!

I don't blame you at all.

I probably shouldn't tell you this, but the fire department [my husband is a career firefighter] refers to motorcycles as donor cycles. I think doctors do to, and it's for a good reason.

I forgot to mention a close family friend who ran over an elderly woman and killed her and he was in ICU for weeks. That was awful to see.

Several years ago a guy on a crotch rocket was speeding down a farm road just over from us when he came up on a car that was making a left turn into their driveway. I guess he assumed he could speed around them, but didn't make it. The car hit him, threw him at least 50 feet into a pasture, and his motorcycle ended up literally embedded in a tree on fire! My husband's engine company was tasked with putting out the fire while the other crews got the rider and transported him to the hospital. My husband said the family later came by the station to get the guy's stuff and told them that he was paralyzed from the chest down now. And all this to save 30 seconds!!! You can still see where the motorcycle ended up in the tree and caught fire. Such a terrible waste of this guy's life.

When it comes to the getting hurt I have no worries about his ability or sensibility. It is other drivers on the road that frighten me.

There is a charitable dinner this Friday night and guess who reluctantly volunteered? At least that will give me something to take my mind off things like sitting there like an idiot amongst the crowd. I really don't like being put in the position of attending these things. Sigh, the things we do for those we love.

I can relate to the feelings of unease being around your husbands friends. I rode motorcycles a lot of the last few years, I only had sport bikes. (crotch rockets). I often felt like I needed to get away when I found myself near groups of riders, in particular the harley and leather groups. I know logically they are made up of veterans and grandparents, and every day people. I didn't like to be around groups of riders of my style bikes either though. I went on a group ride one time in a nearby big city and several people on the ride ended up in the hospital due to triple digit speeds, and racing on city streets. I often rode as fast as the bikes would go, but I usually went out on the highway to do it so it wouldn't hurt anybody else if it went wrong.

I used to have a motorcycle or two. I don't ride them anymore because the drivers around here are maniacs. It's simply too dangerous to drive one around here. When I was in the country it was a lot more fun. I didn't have to ride fast and could enjoy the scenery. I don't fit in with the usual biker crowd.

yep, this is the Harley Davidson and leather type crowd

I love motorcycles. Try doing a charity ride together that may help for you to see other riders as sweet caring people. If he is properly trained to ride it he will be fine. He will lay it down eventually but if he is riding safe he will not be hurt.

What do you mean together? I won't ride. The volunteering I reluctantly do is my way of trying to participate. I do see most of the riders as being nice people but it still raises my anxiety to be around them. I have nothing in common with these people at all and feel like an idiot and am worried and stressed the entire duration of these functions. There is not a single other person like me that attends.