[Esoterica117]

Hello, I'm new here, and I guess hoping for some advice or insight.

I used to be a very social person, in my teens and early twenties. But after a series of unfortunate events, including an emotionally abusive relationship, I became an anxious, depressed mess.

I was unable to work for a couple of years and barely left the house, only really interacting with family. I lost touch with friends and didn't really care.

Now, I am out of that relationship and trying to recover. A few months ago, I started working again. Being out in the real world again makes me see how socially awkward I have become. It's like I have forgotten how to interact with people. I get so nervous when I'm about to walk into the office, at the prospect of having to have a conversation with someone. I can't look people in the eye and I say stupid things in a desperate attempt at making conversation. Everyone thinks I'm plain weird.

I also obsess over the fact that people are against me and make up reasons in my head for why they don't like me. It's just awful and I don't know how to fix it.

I have seen psychiatrists and therapists and have only had bad experiences so far (judgemental, rude, only interested in putting me on meds). It is tiresome and costly to keep looking for a good one. I have tried Paxil, which gave me one of the worst panic attacks I have ever had in my life and pristiq which also made me feel jittery and generally not well. Now I just take lorazepam to deal with bad days/panic attacks but that kind of spaces me out a bit which isn't a bad thing, but doesn't make for good social interaction.

I can't go on like this. Going to work is a nightmare. I want to quit.

I have no friends, no social life and everything just feels bleak. I don't see how I can even attempt to make new friends when I'm like this. I think back to the times when I had a social life and think, "how did I do that?" I'm sinking further into depression and don't know what to do next.

[lions123]

I can relate to so much of this. One thing that sometimes helps is distraction. Just focus on something completely different then the social interaction. Try to find something to focus on that will distract you from fixating. It's easier said than done and I'm trying to figure it out myself. Also someone on this site taught me before to ask yourself "what did I do right today". You could give yourself kudos for telling someone hello or going out of your comfort zone or anything that was a tiny tiny success instead of the negatives.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Esoterica117: I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. I noticed this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[ladle]

Exactly what lions said, you need to find something else to obsess over and focus your attention on. I use to have such severe social anxiety i could barely order my food at mcdonalds without choking up. My method was to try being a bit of a weird character and saying weird things to throw people off and see how they react to it, like dirty jokes or saying something unnecessary, asking the check out girl how her day was and say A LOT more then is necessary, this will build confidence and you can take solace in the fact if it all turns to crap you dont ever have to see her again. You need to throw yourself head first into situations and then try not to care about what ever happens in it, only focus on the progress you've been making.

[ladle]

Sounds like you need to build that confidence and regain your faith in humanity. I use to have social anxiety so bad I would choke up ordering my food at mcdonalds. My method was to throw myself into these situations, even spend days going to different stores etc and interacting with the people working there, saying A LOT more then is necassary and showing genuinity towards them people at work lap it up! Even making silly jokes or saying things that are completely unnecessary and just watching their reaction, whilst taking solace in the fact you may never have to see them again in your life if it all turns to crap.

And as said before you need to find something else to focus on and even obsess over, like the persons features or clothes in a work situation I know how hard it can be when you feel like you're being judged by a peer or superior.

Good luck with it!

[alpacalicious]

You said you used to be a social person...so if you were able to be social in the past, you can do this again! I know that with social anxiety everything seems difficult...you start to think that your anxious thoughts about how other may judge or perceive you are real, when they aren't. This can lead to a vicious cycle...you start to avoid people, but this makes the anxiety stronger. I'm doing CBT with my therapist. I don't know if you heard about CBT but you can learn how to face your anxious thoughts and challenge them. We talked about what were the main causes for my anxiety. Also, we did a bit of exposition. I don't know if you're seeing a therapist now, but you could search for CBT T's and see if this approach can work for you.
Also I find it helpful to gradually expose myself to social situations instead of avoiding them, I'll do the things that gives me less anxiety. You can make a list of the things that gives you anxiety, on top of the list you can put those situations that gives you huge anxiety, and on the bottom those situations that don't seem so difficult to face. And then, gradually, you start with those situations, less difficult for you.

[Jason1123]

I feel your pain. It's going to take some time to adjust. What a fantastic accomplishment to start working again after a few years off. You should probably expect it to be slow transition since you've be out of the workforce for awhile. But it is good to know that some of these fears are also due to your abusive relationship and that fear projected into the present. Maybe you could try some self-help if traditional mental health hasn't worked out. I have found "In the spotlight" by janet esposito (spelling????) to be a great guide to coping with social anxiety. She also talks a lot about how she struggled at work. Best wishes.

[autumn15]

I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with Therapists. I promise they are not all like that. Sometimes you do have to shop around a bit I think. A psychologist I was seeing a while back was nicer to me than most people I knew and made me feel really empowered. So good ones do exist!

The social anxiety is hard, I am working through this and have been for a while. I find that when I am around people who I have not built up a rapport with or who just intimidate me (which is most people) I tend to feel insecure and vulnerable to rejection. I try to tell myself over and over to just relax, breathe steadily and take the pressure off my own shoulders to be the one carrying conversations. And that everyone is human, with their own insecurities, just like me. Nobody is perfect.

Remind yourself that you are good enough and that the only opinion of you that really counts is your own opinion. Practice being kind to yourself, cut yourself some slack, and pat yourself on the back for every small achievement and also for every failure because failure equals learning!

I've gone a bit astray but these sorts of things help me work through and survive my anxieties