Struggling with disconnection

Hello all. So, I'll just get into it. I experienced a panic attack about a month and a half ago and since then I've been thrust into chronic derealization. I figured I had depersonalization disorder, and my therapist confirmed this for me. But I have this HUGE fear that I am developing schizophrenia or some form of psychosis. I feel like a stranger to myself, like I don't know who I really am. Even typing this is extremely difficult for me. When I look in the mirror, I feel afraid, because I feel like I'm looking into the eyes of a stranger. Sleeping has also been difficult because I always wake up in the middle of the night with anxiety and panic. One night I woke up and didn't know where I was for a couple of minutes. I just feel incredibly disconnected and generally confused. I feel detached from everything around me and even myself, I'm experiencing a HUGE identity crisis. I'm afraid that this is something much worse than depersonalization disorder, I'm afraid this is the beginning of schizophrenia. I don't hear or see things, but I feel very emotionally void, the only feelings I feel being fear, panic, and anxiety about my well being. I obsessively google every single symptom I feel at least once a day, because I'm afraid that I'm suddenly going to lose my mind and start seeing and hearing things. I've been taking sleep aids because falling asleep has been very difficult, as I have a lot of anxious thoughts and images pop into my head which makes it hard for me to fall asleep. I'm hyperaware of everything around me and feel like I'm so distant from everything around me at the same time. I really just want to feel real again.. I'm so tired of feeling void of emotion, excitement, and happiness. Functioning and doing regular daily things has become a huge burden for me... thoughts? opinions? thanks in advance..

I'm sorry you're experiencing this, I know it sucks. If it helps to know, a lot of people have fears of schizophrenia and similar things like you described when they experience dp/dr just because of how strange it feels, when in reality it's just dp/dr. I've had those fears when I had it badly, and it of course turned out to be nothing. Even though it feels uncomfortable, just know that it can't and won't hurt you, and things will be normal again in time.

If you see a therapist and google a lot I'm guessing you know this, but grounding exercises can really help. One that I've found really helpful is just telling myself (mentally or out loud) my name, the date, where I am. You could also try progressive muscle relaxation, that's especially helpful at night before sleeping. Maybe ask your therapist if they can go through some with you if they haven't already.

Hello enroutetopeace: I don't have anything in particular to offer with regard to your concerns. However since this appears to be your first post here on PC... to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

thank you so much <3 yeah I'm going to try out some more grounding techniques

totally understand what your going through, I used to think all the time(sometimes still do) that I had all the physical or mental illness out there, I've been to the ER and doctor's office due to so many symptoms because I thought I had more then anxiety and depression. Anxiety causes me to fear the irrational things. So my advice, the googling symptoms has to STOP, its hard, but focus on and find something else to do. Try some breathing exercises when you feel a panic attack coming on. And talk to your doctor, they will have more advice then I can come up with. Good luck and take care!

Wall of text incoming.
First of all you are going to be fine. I have depersonalization disorder and have had very chronic/severe bouts of it and when I first started I fid the same thing constantly googling whats wrong with me and having out of nowhere panic attacks i even decided i must be schizophrenic/psychotic at one point. I know how scary and exhausting it is any time i would start feeling a positive emotion or laugh at something i wpuld have it in the back of my head "this isnt real youre not feeling that" and would start having a crisis moment. I started applying that thought process to sadness and anxiety attacks too and suddenly started feeling balanced again ("why are you panicing if this isnt real?" "What are you sad about you cant feel this completely and youre going to forget about it soon") etc and i started feeling like nonchalant about everything and started laughing at stressful situations and that really pulled me out of it a lot. Im not 100% normal but i dont feel constantly like a dumpster anymore in fact i feel laid back most of the time. I dont know if that will work for you but its worth a shot i guess i started embracing it since i couldnt fight it. Its been about 2 years since then and im fine most of the time but if i start disassociating or whatever i think of that.
Sorry if this isnt helpful but its the advice i can give. Hoping for the best
I recommend reading other peoples experience with it and how they got past it really gave me comfort at my worst