Why do they fall asleep now?

I have extreme anxiety over my parents trusting me alone more at night i feel like i may do something to hurt myself like last time.though i am trying my best to control my impulses its difficult being alone at night ecspecially right now thoughts are leaning that way and everyone is sleep

Im sorry this is happening to you i get the same way when im alone at night nobody to talk to
Do you know the numbers to any crisis lines? There are now text lines theyre a lot easier to use if you have anxiety around talking on the phone i think thats something you should try when you start feeling overwhelmed
Keep in mind most of them are volunteer run so you could get different types of people less helpful than others but i have had good experiences with them. If the person was unhelpful (which has only happened once) i at least got a feeling of comfort from being able to talk to another human being when i felt really alone

I like the idea of finding yourself some alternate resources to use if worries/emergencies arise.

As for your parents, don't forget they have their own needs too - like sleeping.

Do you have friends you can call? I liked the idea of building something when alone to keep yourself busy, like the one you shared in the Coping with Emotions forum.

If you don't trust yourself for the duration of even one night, I'd go to the ER. They can help you there.

I know my parents have there own needs.its just I'm used to being destructive and letting myself do crazy stuff.im not used to being safe and every time I just want to give in now my brain says stop it I'm not used to it. Suicide is all I've ever looked forward to i have nothing to look forward to because of my disability I really can't do much even my sister said it'd be hard for me to find work and college I keep messing up and they say if I end up dropping out next time I have to go to a school futher out and I don't drive and if the same thing happens with the next community college it'll be the same thing so I haven't signed up for classes cause I'm to afraid.i try to fight it but it's like for how long?and I won't go to the er cause I hate that er they hate me and I'm not the same person when I go there.last night I tried a movie and that helped but it was very uncomfortable being alone with my thoughts I had anxiety and now I'm like what if I run out of movies I have Netflix but I'm picky so it's just very frustrating and it's even worse cause I sleep late since sleep patterns are off.

100% in agreement.