[neutrino]

I've suffered from recurring depression and pretty much constant anxiety for as long as I can remember and ever since I got really sick (depression) again in the beginning of September last year, I've experienced a drastic increase in health anxiety. In a way I really understand that because when I got sick this time I started to experience a lot of physical symptoms that worried (and worries) me.

It's strange because I know that I'm probably "just" anxious, depressed and exhausted but my brain keeps telling me I probably have or will get some kind of disease that will kill me (I mostly worry about cancer). It feels a little bit like OCD because I get intrusive thoughts about getting or having cancer, I check my body for symptoms, and I seek reassurance by calling my mum to tell her about my worries and hearing her (she's a nurse) tell me it's probably "just" my anxiety. I know health anxiety and OCD are separate conditions, I'm just saying my health anxiety reminds me of OCD. I've always had a tendency to ruminate and getting stuck on things and I also have a lot of compulsive behaviours (I used to be diagnosed with OCD until I was diagnosed with autism that, along with other kinds of anxiety, better accounts for my problems).

Anyway, do any of you deal with health anxiety as well and what do you do to calm yourself down? How do I stop being afraid of dying (it's "strange" how I've contemplated suicide a lot since I got depressed again but I'm terrified of dying in a way I can't control myself)? I have an appointment with my doctor on Wednesday to discuss my medication (I'm on Sertraline), sick leave from grad school, and some other things and I'm thinking that maybe I should bring this up as well. I think my health anxiety will probably go away once I start feeling better (once the depression subsides and I don't experience as many physical symptoms), but do you think I should ask for help with my health anxiety anyway?

[sunnydisposition]

I share your pain. I have severe health anxiety as well. I haven't felt safe for last 2 years. The fear that something bad ( some terminal illness, like cancer) will happen never leaves me. Every breath is full of caution and paranoia. i'm afraid to dream and hope, coz it all seems pointless, the mind is convinced that it'll all go bad no matter what i do. I'm fighting every waking second to calm my mind and pacify the worries. But it never ends. One worry is replaced by another.

The most helpful tool i have found that helps me get through everything is by relating to other people. Say my mind is convinced that if eat eggs, i'll get cancer, so i look for people who eat eggs everyday and are healthy. Like i researched John cena eats 8 eggs everyday. My mind calms down once i know there are other people who share similar beliefs and habits. I'm afraid running will ruin my knees, so i look up people who have been running everyday for all their lives and still have healthy knees.

I have started prozac two weeks before. Cant say it has helped so far, but its too early to tell. I was misdiagnosed for a long time, docs thought i had bipolar 2 so they kept focusing on fixing my moods rather than my anxiety. This is the first time i have a clear diagnosis ( hypochondria) and have started a targeted treatment.

Choosing what you focus on every second will make all the difference. I just keep reminding myself that " all i need to do is run towards the light" and there's always light, no matter what. Dont focus on the darkness.

[iloveyourlaugh]

I feel this way too at times. Its like a big emotional circle of fear, depression, and guilt. You know how you could look at this behavior in a positive light though...you clearly see how precious life and health is. So try not to let this fear stop you from living your amazing life. Everyone has these fears, its just about how you process them is all. Break the circle. It probably seems so hard to get over now, but it will get easier because you are dealing with your fears. For me, every emotion is intensified when I am depressed. What helps me when I feel this way is writing down the things I am grateful for every morning. My health always being one of them. I also write down what about my life I love, and what makes me happy currently, even the simplest things, and then I try to be around/do those things. You could also make some small goals. Write those down, and try and occupy your mind with getting those done. This helps me.