[Sam93]

I don't know which forum to put this in because I don't know what's wrong with me, if anything for that matter... I have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety but I would lie to my therapists because I didn't trust any of them... I'm not asking for a diagnosis, but if I could have a little insight that would help figure out if I need help.
It's complicated? Like as a child I knew I was being watched to the point that I couldn't go to the bathroom. I knew my male family members were going to molest me and would avoid them despite having no reason to think that and never having been molested before. I would see things out of the corner of my eyes that were disturbing, and I heard my name being called several times but that's it. I would have intrusive thoughts that were either wishing death on people I love or saying hurtful things about them or me. When it would happen I wouldn't talk to that person for a while because I thought they'd be mad at me because I convinced myself they could read my mind. All of that subsided after training myself to ignore those feelings until recently. Now I can't go out by myself because I feel like someone is in my yard waiting for me. If I do make it out to my car, I can't stop checking the back seat because of the faces I see back there. If there's only a few people out driving they have to be following me to kill me. My friends are against me. I haven't heard anything but I've seen people and objects that disappeared. Lately I feel like I'm not in my own body like everything is a dream. I have trouble forming my words into sentences that make sense when I'm talking. I don't want to be around any of my friends anymore and dread talking to them when I see them. I just want to know of this sounds like something I can get treatment for because this is no way to live. Like last night at work it was windy and ominous so I knew something bad was going to happen and my stomach knotted up and as soon as it did I swore my daughter died. Thank God I got home and she was ok. I can tell myself to ignore those feelings over and over but the intrusive thoughts that tell me otherwise won't shut up. I have enough wits about me right now I can tell myself that it's nonsense but the fear remains. Will I lose that? I don't know what to do. I don't know why I'm afraid to tell a therapist but I'm absolutely terrified. But I'll go if y'all think this is something they can put an end to

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. Yes, please see a therapist and pdoc. They can help you but only if you're totally honest. Good luck.

[Unrigged64072835]

You'll need to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis. I've had thoughts like that and they're part of the anxiety.