[Mountaindewed]

I have GAD, and Social anxiety disorder.

I work in retail. I've worked there for almost a year. I work 3-5 times a week 5-8 hour days. Working is my coping skill, and I deal with my stress, by working hard, and putting in long hours. I have only had 1 sick day since October. For the most part it's a good job.

I also try to get to group therapy. Lately though, going has made me really anxious. Today was the worst.

I had the day off, so I planned on going to group from 9-3. When group started at 10, I started getting really nervous. The other clients were joking around and I felt threatened and paranoid. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Then this guy came in, who makes me very anxious, and sat down right next to me. I had to get out of there. I didn't want to make a big scene, so I made an excuse about going to the bathroom. I saw a conselor I trust, so I told him I had to go home. I could not handle being there. He was confused, and he wanted me to work through it, and told me he had to tell my therapist. He said it seemed backwards that I could handle work, but not group. I got out of there fast. I am wondering what the group leader said when she found out I left instead of going to the bathroom.

Was I being a jerk? I feel bad about lying, but I was on the verge of a panic
Attack. I wonder if the guy who sat next to me realized I left because he sat
next to me. I glanced at him, and left almost immediately after he sat down. I am terrified I smell bad, even though people tell me I don't.

My mom says, I'm beyond that place, and I should just be focused on work. But I'm not sure, if I am beyond that place because of the progress I've made, or if I'm just being conceited.

I am also physically sick, dealing with a cold, so I wasn't feeling good in general. Maybe that was part of my problem. This doesn't usually happen.

Does it seem backwards, that I can handle work, but not therapy? Is that even really a bad thing?

[Travelinglady]

Group therapy can be very intense and personal. I choose not to get it. But I think I could handle working in retail. It's not as personal and in-your-face. Plus, to be honest, I don't value the opinions of peers very much.

[justxholdon]

I think retail ends up being a bit like watching a movie or reading a book - it takes you out of your own head. You're given a list of things to accomplish, a deadline, and enough variation to keep it from getting too mind-numbingly dull. You don't get a chance to really think or feel while you're there.

Group on the other hand is the opposite.

I had the same problem. I worked retail all my life up until recently and I voluntarily attended a support group. I'd struggle to talk myself into going and into staying once I was there, but I never regretted actually being there after. It's just that beginning anxiety that threatened to ruin it.

Your post did raise a bunch of questions (like why does that guy make you anxious in particular - do you have a crush?) and why did you refuse to work through it with the leader (when you could mention your feelings of paranoia and anxiety?) -- why did you really not want to stay? Where you afraid of saying something you shouldn't? All of these feelings you have about group I hope you are telling your t about.

My mother often tries to tell me what I'm feeling or thinking too and it's beyond irritating. She doesn't live in my body and cannot tell me what is or isn't taking place inside of it.

I hope you find a way to keep going.