[Kurteous]

-Warning for rambling and a long post with no real substance-

I'm just grateful the school year is ending soon. I've been failing my Algebra II class all year and for once in my life, I don't care. I've been too stressed out about everything else to care. I've been too anxious to care. Every time I sit down to do work, I feel a sense of panic overwhelming me. I feel the tears begin to form, and I feel my brain shutting down.

These past couple of years, I've noticed that I don't have the same brain capacity that I used to. I'm only 16, yet it feels as though my brain is already failing me. When I speak, my words are often disordered. I trip and stumble and I can't calm down. I've lost all, if any social skills that I have acquired in my few short years alive. All that is left are my insecurities and apologies that I repeat over and over. Apologies for simply existing.

I can no longer focus on any activity. Everything is boring. Everything is dull. Nothing is exciting anymore. I want to run away from home and make risks and ruin my life because I'm so bored. I want nothing more than to see myself fall into a hole that I'll never get out of. I'm tired of being the perfect child that isn't allowed to make mistakes. I'm tired of having to pick up my sibling's weight and make my parents proud.

I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. I just want to stop worrying about school work, and how I'm going to manage socializing with my peers tomorrow, how I'm going to manage the looks and feelings of paranoia everyday.

At this point, every thing I do just feels like another coping mechanism, because I can no longer put up with the stress and anxiety. It's like I've recoiled into a shell and I am no longer myself, whoever that is.

You don't have to respond. I don't know what I'm even going to get out of this post. I just needed a place to let this all out that wasn't my journal for once.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate a lot to your struggles.. I'm a teen as well (18).. I'm really sorry you're going through this.

[*Laurie*]

You are courageous for reaching out

I would consider talking to your school guidance counsellor. He/she have resources at their hand including a school psychologist. I would also make an appointment with your family doctor (you are old enough to do so yourself).

You deserve to feel better.

[Sunflower123]

Bless your heart....I'm sorry you are having such a tough time. I agree with the previous poster...maybe you could make an appointment with your doctor. You could be dealing with an overload of stress, anxiety, depression or all of the above. You're not alone. My daughter is 17 and has had some of these problems since her junior year and to a lesser degree this year. Hugs coming your way.