I hate who I am

I wish i was stronger mentally. Up all night because of this dumb decision.

Been there. We all have made bad decisions. Can you do anything to make things better?

Hidesad-How are you now? Try not to think in terms of catastrophe-that is what my old T used to tell me. I make things "horrible" in my mind that are really not "disasters." He said I lump things into the worst case scenario, and most things aren't in that category.

I don't know if that helps. How are you now?

I feel like I corrected my decision feel better about staying in my current position. On the surface everything seems fine. However cannot shake the feeling of having a pit in my stomach. Trying to sort out why. I think it is that catastrophic type thinking. People think I'm crazy. People are laughing at me and talking about me behind my back. I can think of a million unrealistic disastrous scenarios that feel like they are still a possibility

Sounds like you have made a choice you needed to make. If you feel you need to say something to others, maybe have something ready. Personal stress made this not the right time.

I heard something helpful once--you think that people are thinking about you, but it is surprising how little they actually do. Mostly people are thinking about themselves.

Catastrophic thinking gets to me, as much as I know about it, I find myself doing this. I'm harder on myself than anyone would be. And who is really thinking that much about me anyway.

This is very true. There is an exercise I do. I think about my situation and what if it was someone else's issue and not mine. It would really mean nothing to me. What is funny right now is even as I just typed the last statement it caused a pain. Almost as if I do stop worrying about it then something really bad will really happen.

That is some really good insight

Good thinking, yes.

I think I have the hyper vigilance problem too, is that what you meant? I think sometimes if I stop worrying, something bad will happen.

It is so tiring I want to quit sometimes. But then something changes and I'm not always always in this state. I'm trying to pull out of this line of thinking myself

This is a good way of looking at it.

Thanks Jennifer.

Hyper vigilance is a good term When something gets in my mind (not everything just certain things) I cannot stop worrying about it for fear of it happening no matter how unrealistic it may be.

Why do you feel "weak"?

Would you label others as "weak"

I hope you feel better soon