[livingforluna]

I'm almost 25 and have separation anxiety. It got so bad that my boyfriend of almost 3 years decided we "need a break" and won't talk to me again until January even though, yes, we still love each other and want to try again eventually. I'm devastated to the point of crying for up to hours at a time. Keep thinking I'm okay and then nope memories overwhelm me and I lose it again. Losing him was my worst fear and now here we are. I'm so terrified that he's either going to stop loving me and decide he doesn't want me back, or that something awful will happen to him while we're separated. I've tried a therapist and it didn't help. Does anyone else have any kind of issue like that? Am I the only adult out there with separation anxiety? How do you keep it from ruining your relationships? How am I going to survive 3 months without my "safe person?"

[Azureseas]

Hi there,
I'm so sorry you are feeling so badly and struggling with these feelings -- I have been there and it is horribly painful when in the midst of it!
Thanks to my very wise therapist, I believe we found the source of these long term feelings. Since then, I have seen it greatly improve.
My therapist told me that she felt I have unresolved attachment issues. I don't know why I didn't think along those lines on my own because I have undergraduate degrees in the social service field but anyway, I wonder if this might be relevant for you as well? Did your ex therapist do any exploring of attachment disorder and attachment styles with you? If not, you might want to search Psychology Today's website and click on therapist finder, enter your city and then look for someone who has experience in attachment.
Hope you are feeling better soon!

[livingforluna]

Hi Azureseas,
My ex-therapist tried a few times to see what "caused" the separation anxiety but it kind of felt like she gave up when she couldn't find a cause of it, sort of? My parents never abandoned me--heck, they never even left me alone until I went away to school!--and I'm an only child, so it's not like I had brothers or sisters who walked out on me either. Every time a friendship has ended it's pretty much been me saying "okay this isn't a good relationship anymore" and walking away. I asked if it could have stemmed from the long-distance relationship I had with someone who wasn't reliable, but she said that was too late for separation anxiety to develop (I was 20 when that happened, for reference) and since there was no "root cause" from when I was little, basically she decided that it was just because I didn't feel secure with my boyfriend because he wasn't right for me. Which...trust me, I don't have time to go into the details right now but I promise that was not the case. He also dealt with anxiety, and depression on top of that, and he knew how to make me feel safe. What broke us up was that it kind of got to the point that no matter what he did I still would ask "but are you sure you love me?" and get very upset if he changed or canceled a date, because I was sure that 1) he'd stopped loving me or 2) someone would attack/hurt/kill him while we were apart. And when I told my therapist that she basically said it was just relationship insecurity. I have had insecurity within relationships before, the I'm-just-not-good-enough-for-you kind. I know how that feels, this was not it.
And topping all this off--I'm still on my dad's insurance plan which basically means I can't choose my own therapist. Going back would mean having to explain to them why this one didn't work, going through their "diagnostic process" again, etc. Not exactly a comforting thought. Which is why I'm trying to exhaust other options first.

[mythrider]

You know I'm always here! And for now your puppy, Luna (and Roscoe) is your safe-person! I know you'll find your place and the separation anxiety will ease.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are struggling with this. I went through this recently with my only child going away to a college two hours away. It was very painful and caused many panic attacks. Therapy did help but I also had a very wise, spiritually enlightened person help me through it. I encourage you to find another therapist who is a better fit for you to help you process these painful feelings. Good luck. Sending big hugs.

[livingforluna]

Thank you all...it helps knowing I'm not the only one, believe me. I'm still trying to find someone new to talk to, still working up the courage to fence with my parents' insurance, and still trying to work out an alternative in case I can't find someone or can't afford it right away (deductibles and all that).