[jenna1997]

Hello:

I'm not sure if anyone's ever experienced this, but for some time now I've been experiencing hyperawareness of life. Particularly in the emotional sense of things, relations with other people, and the "fluidity" of life. It's hard to explain, but for example if I'm in a fight with someone, in my head I become aware of each moment and feeling in the process. Like I anticipate what is going to happen next, or what I'm going to be feeling next emotionally. This doesn't allow me to experience my feelings/the moment smoothly, because it's like this hijacking mechanism that tells me "Oh, you're going to be feeling this next."

It's like overanalyzing my and other's progression of feelings.

Does anyone know what I'm talking about? This may be coming from feeling extremely jaded. I've been depressed for a long time now, and I really feel hopeless and at the end of my rope. Like nothing is going to help. It's really hard for me to get my emotions and pain out -- I almost feel crazy and like I'm making this all up because of how empty I feel. I don't remember what normal life feels like.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I’ve never experienced this but I hear what you’re saying.

[CepheidVariable]

Personally, I tend towards "hypervigilance" in many social situations. Which is always thinking ahead and being extremely wary of what might go "wrong" next. And trying to think of various outcomes and responses before they happen. So I overanalyze things and people. This sounds like it might be similar. Yes, it's very tiring and unhelpful.

I doubt you're jaded or just making it up. It sounds like you might not only be anxious, but anxious about being anxious. And your mind is racing ahead in a futile effort to cut it off -- by worrying about it all. Maybe you relate to that? This is supposedly common for people with certain forms of anxiety.

You say you've been depressed for some time now. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling so much. Have you sought out any help yet?

Maybe someone else here can share some more relevant experiences. Welcome to PC and take care.

[Dannii91]

I am currently have anxiety about getting anxiety. I fear that by becoming anxious I will ruin a special moment.

[jenna1997]

Hi CepheidVariable,

This sounds very accurate, actually something a previous counsellor mentioned to me. Having anxiety about anxiety. It sometimes feels like an uncontrollable pattern, but I'm glad someone else can relate.

Thank you for your help and advice.