[sunnydisposition]

I'm obviously not ready for any kind of work. But i just cant afford to miss this opportunity so im jumping in with both feets. I'm worried about the conflict of inner and outer world that goes on when we have to pretend to be "social, like nothing's wrong," so we can fit in with people and the work it takes to hide the secret that we just dont fit in, not anymore, not yet. I'm worried about my inner world spilling into the outer world and leaving me exposed to the whole world to see how broken i am. I just want to survive the first few weeks for the meds to kick in. How do you manage to keep your inner worlds from spilling into the outside world? Help me out here.. i need it..

[Skeezyks]

Hm-m-m-m... well... this is a good question! I should know the answer to this too since I've been hiding a major part of myself for the better part of 69 years! Somehow, I don't know how, I learned very early in life that there were things about myself that I must never talk about with anyone. And so I didn't for most of my life. I did try to loosen up a bit briefly a few years ago. But it quickly became apparent no one wanted to hear about it. So I stopped.

The one thing I know about hiding your inner world away from other people is that it can be exhausting... especially if you keep it up for a long time as I have. I think that, perhaps, having someone or at least someplace where you can be yourself might help. That's something I don't have that I did have a few years ago & I know I really miss it now. The other thing though is that having your inner world spill out may seem like a much bigger potential problem to you than would actually be in reality. As long as it doesn't interfere with the quality of your work, it may well end up not being of much consequence to anyone else.

Also, plenty of plain old exercise will help to dissipate the build-up of anxiety that can develop from feeling as though you're hiding something. I do about an hour-&-a-half of exercise most days. Plus I have a small dog I walk a couple of times a day. Personally, I think it's that build-up of anxiety that is likely to be at the root of having your inner world come spilling out if it does. So the more you can do to keep your anxiety at bay the less likely it may be that you'll "expose" yourself. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

[sunnydisposition]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hm-m-m-m... well... this is a good question! I should know the answer to this too since I've been hiding a major part of myself for the better part of 69 years! Somehow, I don't know how, I learned very early in life that there were things about myself that I must never talk about with anyone. And so I didn't for most of my life. I did try to loosen up a bit briefly a few years ago. But it quickly became apparent no one wanted to hear about it. So I stopped.

The one thing I know about hiding your inner world away from other people is that it can be exhausting... especially if you keep it up for a long time as I have. I think that, perhaps, having someone or at least someplace where you can be yourself might help. That's something I don't have that I did have a few years ago & I know I really miss it now. The other thing though is that having your inner world spill out may seem like a much bigger potential problem to you than would actually be in reality. As long as it doesn't interfere with the quality of your work, it may well end up not being of much consequence to anyone else.

Also, plenty of plain old exercise will help to dissipate the build-up of anxiety that can develop from feeling as though you're hiding something. I do about an hour-&-a-half of exercise most days. Plus I have a small dog I walk a couple of times a day. Personally, I think it's that build-up of anxiety that is likely to be at the root of having your inner world come spilling out if it does. So the more you can do to keep your anxiety at bay the less likely it may be that you'll "expose" yourself. At least these are my thoughts with regard to your post.

Thank you so very much for sharing such kind hearted and wise words with me skeez..you've given me a lot to think about.. i appreciate the time and effort you took out of your day to write out to me..I hope you find someone with whom you can be yourself again..