How to tolerate the physical anxiety around obsessions and compulsions?

Hello all, hope you're well.

I'm really struggling with anxiety currently. What i've discovered is (i think~) that it's the physical sensation of fear which compels me to engage in compulsions.

I took a small dose of clonazepam this morning, about 30 mins later in noticed that i was calm mentally. I was actually taken aback as it had been about 5 mins and i wasn't pacing around, tending to my various concerns as i usually would be.

I thought about this; trying to look beyond the 'well of course i'm calm i'm on a tranquilizer'
And what i came up with was this:
The reason i was relatively calm and not engaging in my ritualistic checking and mirror gazing e.t.c. was because the physical sensation of anxiety wasn't there.
Cognitively the anxious thoughts and intrusive thoughts were still happening, it's just they had lost their meaning, or moreover they weren't causing me the physical sensation of anxiety.
The physical sensation of anxiety for me is sometimes indistinguishable from physical pain. It's so severe that i'd do anything to get rid of it.
However in it's abscence i was able to mindfully label certain thoughts as 'anxiety' or 'anxious thinking' and redirect my attention onto something else.

Normally i would struggle or cave in and engage in safety behaviours including avoidance. But without the physical component the intrusive thoughts didn't have the same powerful influence they usually do.

So, in my treatments i have learnt about distress tolerance. Since this discovery of mine this morning, I can see just how important 'Distress Tolerance' is.
It's the ability to sit with that pain, the physical terror... and not run away from it or try and 'repair' or tidy it away e.t.c.
It's incredibly difficult as your natural inclanation is to recoil from it and make it go away.

I've made serious efforts in the past to tolerate it... and it does eventually pass.
And over time you learn to not give that physical sensation the credence you normally do.
However in the past i had a lot of support from mental health professionals... and currently i don't have any, i'm totally on my own against a myriad of anxiety disorders and now i've been told i may have personality disorders too..

How do you tolerate that anxiety when it's so against your natural inclination?
I know compassion plays a key role. As you have to care for yourself to want to put yourself through suffering in order to attain a positive outcome for yourself.
However i really struggle with being compassionate to myself..
I feel like the world is caving in on me when that physical anxiety hits... For instance when challenging my OCD and touching things i really don't want to - it's nightmarish. Yet i can sometimes bear it and not try and supress what i'm feeling, just sit there, with the anxiety and re-engage in something else (thus learning that the feeling doesn't mean anything is true or not true - it's just a feeling.)

I just am too fragile at the moment to sit with that fear. I have too much self-hate to be compassionate to myself... (this is more to do with my potential personality disorder(s) from what i've been told)

As a result of being unable to face my fears i am slipping backwards at an alarming rate.
I've become house-bound due to my BDD... I'm engaging in compulsions more than i am doing anything else..

I don't know how to get myself back on track. I need some therapy but i can't afford privately and the NHS in the U.K is not able to keep up with the demand for therapy - so i won't be getting any more therapy for a year at least according to my mental health team.

Any tips for distress tolerance? I know a bit about compassion and soothing the threat system with soothing rhythmic breathing e.t.c..
But I'm too busy running away from my anxiety to even think about tackling my issues..
I know i can't get better without facing my issues but i'm really terrified the whole time and only have escapism or abiding the rules/compulsions to keep myself away from the hurt.

Interested to hear your thoughts,
C5

Anxiety is something I struggle with. I'm an older person. And it seems like the older I get the worse my anxiety gets. I don't see a therapist nor am I on any kind of medication... for anxiety or anything else for that matter.

Things that help me to keep my anxiety level down include keeping myself occupied... mostly doing household chores (I'm retired & I'm also pretty reclusive. So I have a lot of time on my hands.) I also do about an hour-&-a-half of mindfulness yoga most days. And I have a small dog I take for walks a couple of times a day regardless of the weather. (We live in a townhome & have no yard. So daily walks are imperative.) I also spend quite a bit of time here on PC. All of these things put together help me to keep my level of anxiety down to a dull roar, as they used to say.

One other thing I'll just mention is that, personally, I feel it's important to maintain a peaceful, calm environment. I avoid watching any kind of violent TV or movies. I don't watch the news on TV. And when I listen to music, it's mostly of the quiet, calming variety.

I have severe anxiety to the point that I've struggled to leave the house at times. My therapist said a really good tool is to invite anxiety along with you. To say I know your coming with me, but you won't control me. The more you give in to anxiety, the worse it gets. My therapy goal this week was to buy a journal. My hands literally shook in the store, but I did it! Don't let anxiety stop you. Also I take an SSRI to help with anxiety and have clonazepam and ativan just in case. I also use CBD oil (I have a cannbis prescription) and it helps a lot.

I read a book called "the happiness trap" which dealt with a lot of the things you are describing. It is about sitting with and feeling your different emotions instead of avoiding them. That book changed my life. All the best to you and your journey.