[Mountaindewed]

does this happen to anyone else?

I️ have a bad habit of worrying about bad stuff that didn’t happen. Sometimes I️ get so sick to my stomach thinking of what could have happened.

One thing that really bothers me, is when I️ got my wisdom teeth out. My doctor said I️ could take my meds, but I️ decided to wait until after the surgery. I️ didn’t wake up right away from being put to sleep. I️t almost seemed like they were panicking when I️ finally came to I️t.

I’m so scared, that if I️ had taken my meds, I️ would have died.

Also I️ dropped my electric toothbrush cord into the sink with the water running and I️ stupidly impulsively reached for it and took I️t out of the sink. Right after that I️ got sick to my stomach, realizing I️ could of been electrocuted.

Ok, these bad things didn’t happen. So shouldn’t I️ just let them go?

[Skeezyks]

Yes, when one thinks about it, there are SO many ways in which bad things could happen, or could have happened in the past. I watch the "Dateline" mysteries on NBC & the "48 Hours" mysteries on CBS. And it's not unusual for me to see the kinds of messes people get themselves into & think: OMG... something like that could have happened to me!"

Over the years, I've fallen off ladders, fallen out of trees, accidently fired a shotgun, , almost drowned in a pool, been in serious auto accidents, almost been hit by innumerable cars, all sorts of stuff. I guess it's all just a part of living... The only thing one can say, perhaps, is that the impact of all of these kinds of experiences does seem to fade with the passage of time. After a while, the memory of some of it (not all) even becomes somewhat humorous. At least that has been the case for me.

Yeah, I do this too. I almost fell off of a rock at Brice Canyon when I was 23. That was stupid, I had no business screwing around. I sweat when I think about that.

I have this weird thing I do where I feel that disruptions to my routine are going to get me killed. Like, spilling my coffee, so I go out the door later than I would have. That’s going to put me in a different spot in traffic, and some truck will hit me, and I wasn’t even supposed to be there.

Then, when in get to work safely, I think maybe spilling the coffee saved my life. Because maybe if I had left on time I would have been killed.

This is all childhood stuff for me. I was blamed and punished for things that weren’t my fault routinely. My therapist is trying to get me to see that, instead of beating myself up for having these thoughts. I hadn’t thought about all of that.

It’s been very painful going to therapy and facing the root cause of things. Then doing the thought replacement exercises (replacing a negative thought with a positive one).