[checksandgators]

Hey everyone...I'm friends with someone with an anxiety disorder and recently he's getting pretty bad...like not easily able to leave his room. I want to help him, but what can I do? I try to rationalize though everything with him and explain why he shouldn't be as freaked out as he is...but it doesn't seem to help really.

[Rio_]

I think it depends on the person, so I'm not sure anyone's going to be able to give you a definite answer, unfortunately. However, based on my own experience with a fear of making phone calls (don't think the level of anxiety I have qualifies for an actual disorder, but it's still not much fun ), generally the reason I get scared is that I'm not sure what I'm going to be expected to say, or what questions I might get asked. So if someone who's made the same, or a similar, phone call can go through what should happen, then it can give me the courage to make the call because I know roughly what to expect.

So, if the reason your friend is scared to leave his room is because he doesn't know what scenarios he's going to meet, maybe you could go through the most likely ones with him and suggest what he could do, to give him a sort of plan?

Not sure I've been much help, but good luck - I hope you can find something that works!

[LizardL8y]

Thing about trying to rationalize is that with a disorder like that rationality does not work. I used to go through that and in my head I totally knew that there was nothing to be afraid of, but deep down inside the anxiety got to me and I couldn't. It's like the prayer rituals I used to have with my OCD - I knew that if I got my prayers slightly wrong it doesn't meant the person I forgot to pray for was going to die - but I'd obsess anyway thinking "well, what if I'm wrong?". Your friend needs to want to get past this in order to. Just be there for your friend and be encouraging. Truth be told, the rationality stuff rarely works and for some makes them feel bad because they know they should "know better" but they just can't do it.

[faintredfigure]

Hello - just saw your post and thought I'd be able to give you a little insight. I have the similar problems as your friend and I hate to tell you this, but telling the person with the problem that they need to rationalize is the worst thing for them! we want to rationalize, we realize that what is bothering us so much really shouldn't be, but we can't control it. It is not your fault that you do not understand.. it would really help if you sat down and had a conersation and get some questions answered because it is different for every person... like : when you are having problems leaving your room, what makes it worse? is there anything i can do to help you through it? can you pinpoint the trigger of the anxiety? If you can get some of those answers you will be able to understand how to help your friend a little better.For example, tonight I locked myself in my room and was afraid to let anyone in or go out because i got into an argument with someone.... my friend is probably thinking-- this is silly! just open the door ! but he knew I couldn't. And if he were to say those things to me like-- "this isn't rational, just open the door" it would have made it ten times worse! so he reasoned with me.... he asked me the questions like what would make me feel less scared, why i felt scared etc. And then he suggested to me to build a fort inside my room for tonight, and sleep in it. He thought back to when he was a little kid and rememberd that when he was afraid he would put a blanket over a table, go under the table and hide there and mellow out reading or something.. and he remembered it helped. Now, I am 21 years old.... but this was the best suggestion I have ever heard! So, what i am getting at is even though it seems completely absurd that someone can't just rationalize a problem out, when you have a mental illness like this you just can't sometimes! And in order to help, it often is really helpful if you try to relate to it in some manner. Try to think of any situation that is similar that you have went through and start throwing out suggestions. none of them or some of them might work, but just the fact that you are trying to relate and understand will make your friend feel cared about and that will help a lot. Also- remember, you are a supporter, not a counselor, therapist, etc... so you don't need to feel it's your responsibility to figure out all of these problems, your purpose as a friend is to give suggestions to get through hard times, lend support, and initiative for them to get the help they need from professionals. Sounds like you are a good friend for wanting to help!! I hope that my rambling gave you some ideas!!
let me know what you think. take care-- ***Jess