[Sophia-Marie]

I would like to share w u what happened to me last sunday. Since this incident my anxiety levels are beyond any scale.

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I dont know how triggering the text possibly may be to u. I actually dont feel the need of using trigger tags, but I know ppl r so different w this.

So I will give u some keywords in advance:
ANXIETY and VIOLENCE and I also use the word RAPE referring to a past experience. The violence done to me is described quiet graphical.

------------ text starts here ------------->>>>

So I was at the supermarket last sunday. When I was leaving the market out of nowhere a security person grabbed me and blamed me for shoplifting.

I said: "No I didnt." Which was the truth. He insisted on it. I told him again I didnt and that Im going to go home now. He insisted further and started touching me, so I told him again "no" and that he should go and **** himself.

Then he grabbed me and choked me and pulled me back into the store. A totally uninvolved bystander from outside the shop screamed: "Of course you stole it you mother****ing *****!".

I was super scared of all of this because of my experiences with sexualized violence and I started to defend myself as good as I could.

It ended up the security pinned me down to the floor sitting on my chest and holding down my hands to the ground, which was crazy scary and triggered the **** out of me because this is exactly one of my memories from being raped.

While he held me down like this the screaming bystander, an old guy maybe in the middle of his 60s started to stomp on my ankles while screaming swear words at me.

It ended up that they hauled me to the cashier who was totally surprised. He told the secus that I had paid every single item. So they simply dropped me and did not say anything to me anymore.

I went home, took pills a lot of pills and tried to fight triggers and... of course all this lead me to emotional loaded binge eating.

Finally the best about all of this is this:

I was super anxious for two days before this happened.

I did not even manage to leave my room for one single second the day before because I was so scared. I just couldn't.

On sunday I then was fighting myself half a day to convince me that I have to go out and that there will nothing bad happen outside.

And then this. Honestly I never ever want to leave my room again. I just don't want. This world is chaos wrapped in violence. Im not made for this.

[mote.of.soul]

Oh my god, that is so awful Sophie-Marie. So wrong, and I hope you're managing okay. I'd like to say terrible things about the people who did that to you, including the bystander. Try to keep your focus, and I really hope you have some support in your life. Just know that you are in the right, they are in the wrong, and your conscience is clear - theirs is not. You could sue those people if you wished but I don't think that's in your mind right now. Keep reaching out on this site, it may help.

[Carmina]

This is awful, that security guard should be charged with assault.

[greentires4me]

Originally Posted by Sophia-Marie

I would like to share w u what happened to me last sunday. Since this incident my anxiety levels are beyond any scale.


--------------------------------------------


I dont know how triggering the text possibly may be to u. I actually dont feel the need of using trigger tags, but I know ppl r so different w this.


So I will give u some keywords in advance:

ANXIETY and VIOLENCE and I also use the word RAPE referring to a past experience. The violence done to me is described quiet graphical.


------------ text starts here ------------->>>>


So I was at the supermarket last sunday. When I was leaving the market out of nowhere a security person grabbed me and blamed me for shoplifting.


I said: "No I didnt." Which was the truth. He insisted on it. I told him again I didnt and that Im going to go home now. He insisted further and started touching me, so I told him again "no" and that he should go and **** himself.


Then he grabbed me and choked me and pulled me back into the store. A totally uninvolved bystander from outside the shop screamed: "Of course you stole it you mother****ing *****!".


I was super scared of all of this because of my experiences with sexualized violence and I started to defend myself as good as I could.


It ended up the security pinned me down to the floor sitting on my chest and holding down my hands to the ground, which was crazy scary and triggered the **** out of me because this is exactly one of my memories from being raped.


While he held me down like this the screaming bystander, an old guy maybe in the middle of his 60s started to stomp on my ankles while screaming swear words at me.


It ended up that they hauled me to the cashier who was totally surprised. He told the secus that I had paid every single item. So they simply dropped me and did not say anything to me anymore.


I went home, took pills a lot of pills and tried to fight triggers and... of course all this lead me to emotional loaded binge eating.


Finally the best about all of this is this:



I was super anxious for two days before this happened.


I did not even manage to leave my room for one single second the day before because I was so scared. I just couldn't.


On sunday I then was fighting myself half a day to convince me that I have to go out and that there will nothing bad happen outside.


And then this. Honestly I never ever want to leave my room again. I just don't want. This world is chaos wrapped in violence. Im not made for this.

You should complain to the store and get that security guard fired or at least file a police report!

[Sophia-Marie]

Originally Posted by greentires4me

You should complain to the store and get that security guard fired or at least file a police report!

Hi there.

I love u all for encouraging me in that direction. I mean this serious.

But unfortunately I am not in the position to do anything like that atm, even though I know I should to prevent them from doing things like this again

I suffer from a lot of different mental illnesses, fight my insurrance for proper treatment, sue the insurrance now, having a surgery next week and my anxiety levels are all far over any scale also due to this incident.

I didnt leave the flat for almost two weeks. I dont even leave my room when I heared my flatmates in the corridor. When somebody was talking to me I flinched.

Its really really bad atm and, honestly, I would like nothing better then being comfortable and stable and also having the money for a laywer to fight against this assholes.

Its just not possible for me atm.

And, really, Im a kind of ashamed of myself for not having the power to do it.

Oh I am so sorry they did that to you! That was so wrong. Do you have anyone who can advocate for you? (if you are a student maybe student services at your college or a support worker?). Please do not feel ashamed, this is not your fault, you deserve help not shame.

If at any point you do puruse this make sure you note day & time (should be on your receipt) the store should have the CCTV footage which they keep for a few weeks usually, that will show what happened.

But you are right you must take careof yourself first of all.