[Empathic_One]

I just signed up here to discuss this topic. First, these incidents are difficult to hear about and have seen a lot of these kinds of stories, so it is a real problem - a people problem, a certain personality. I feel for those being affected by this and no one should be thought of as just being "oversensitive".

I am experiencing a new, loud neighbor above me, not the first, but somewhat different from others who have also been disruptive. This guy has only been here a month and has driven me nuts, playing music with a loud bass noise radiating downward. (Initially, I thought I may meet him outside and introduce myself, but he has an odd schedule and do not want to stop him as he leaves for work and returns late. At this point, I am not wanting to approach him).

From about 11:00 pm he plays music, sometimes TV, until 2:30 - 3:30 am. All I hear is the boom boom boom boom boom, while trying to quietly watch a late show. Some say, "just be louder", which is not helpful, having a louder TV and still hearing the BASS sounds. He is also apparently a HEEL walker, which is SO hard, my ceiling sounds differently from anyone there, before. I have also heard him yelling and clapping at his sports game on the weekend. It's a lot, if right over your head.

I have in the past, stayed up after neighbors would go to bed, so I could calm down before sleeping, having my schedule altered. (I no longer work, but I would still like to be on my own schedule). Now I am up until 4 - 5 am or cannot fall asleep, since I am too tense. I take vitamin supplements for and try to relax, leave the livingroom, but then he clomps into the bedroom, too. Then he gets up around noon or so and stomps around and I go back to sleep after he leaves.

I am just overwhelmed, it's crazymaking and this morning even while lying still in bed, I began feeling chest pains. I thought I am really going to have to NOT let this get to me so... but how do I avoid that? It makes me so angry that one is allowed to do whatever they want and having no support or resolve, when I am the quiet, respectful tenant. I have wanted to move, but am now in need of specific conditions and Income-based, so it is difficult to locate anything appropriate. Besides, I have thought that lousy neighbors can be ANYWHERE.

When I had spoken to the manager initially, she said she would speak to him, and that night, it got quiet, but as usual with these people, they think doing the same thing another day will be different, so it continues. I feel the manager thinks I am overreacting, yet she has never been here during those hours to witness. I have not called her during late hours, either.

I just happened to catch her outside while writing this, and she said she would speak to him tomorrow. She seemed sympathetic. (Well, it's another night to deal with, but maybe it will help this time). I expressed how it is quiet around here and how others would not like to have to hear it, either.

Get this, he apparently moved from a place where it was a "loud building", kids were "waking him up while he was sleeping"...HAH. But he figures he can do whatever he wants, here. If that is even the truth. If he was doing the same things, they likely asked him to leave.

There should be better rules and restrictions enforced, that one doesn't bring giant speakers or have surround-sound in an apartment.. that they are considerate of others and aware of their actions and movements, especially when up so late over another. When will this problem, being due to a certain personality not being addressed, come to a close?

[Skeezyks]

Hello One: Thanks for sharing this. Yes, these kinds of situations can be SO annoying! I live in a townhome. We don't have anyone living above us. But we have people on either side. My experience has been that the best thing you can do is to just keep hassling the management over this. "The squeaky wheel gets the grease", as the saying goes. If you let it go, they will be more than happy to do so as well... unfortunately.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to hang in here with us. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/

There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting!

[Unhinged88]

I wouldn't say I have anxiety over my noisy neighbor. I am frustrated and annoyed. He gets up at 4am and lets the dog out and yells. He bought his kids a drum set. I told him my schedule and said, please try to not do the drums between this and this time. He was understanding. The 4am thing I cant do much about. The kids slamming doors. They're kids. I just, grit my teeth and keep going. I go to work tired some days. But I am thankful I have a place to live. (Compared to my previous situation)

If you talked to your landlord, and its continuing, you could try to explain to him yourself how the floors are thin and what you schedule is. Maybe the message isn't being given by your landlord. Or it might not make a difference. Some people are not considerate. In which case, you will either need to adapt, he might not be there forever or move if its an issue. But your new neighbor could be worse!!

[Empathic_One]

Originally Posted by Unhinged88

I wouldn't say I have anxiety over my noisy neighbor. I am frustrated and annoyed. He gets up at 4am and lets the dog out and yells. He bought his kids a drum set. I told him my schedule and said, please try to not do the drums between this and this time. He was understanding. The 4am thing I cant do much about. The kids slamming doors. They're kids. I just, grit my teeth and keep going. I go to work tired some days. But I am thankful I have a place to live. (Compared to my previous situation)

If you talked to your landlord, and its continuing, you could try to explain to him yourself how the floors are thin and what you schedule is. Maybe the message isn't being given by your landlord. Or it might not make a difference. Some people are not considerate. In which case, you will either need to adapt, he might not be there forever or move if its an issue. But your new neighbor could be worse!!

Thank you.. all of that is a consideration and has been. Every time one moves, I fear what the next person will be like. Though the manager knows I would like it to be more peaceful than noisy, I think she feels it is such a struggle finding qualified tenants, that anything else is secondary or not a concern.

She was supposed to speak to the neighbor today, but looked like it was a workday and that he will be arriving soon around 10:25 pm, as he does. So it should be another noisy night , as was last night. I don't know when she will catch him ... seems to just want "to run into him".

I'm just tired and has not even lived here long. The frustration is, that I KNOW he must be an inconsiderate person, or he would think about his actions. He comes barreling in, slamming windows, stomping. Last night, banging in kitchen at almost 2:00 am and running disposal, which seems to have a problem, besides other noise. I got all messed up on sleep, again.

[Kaboodle]

Although I don't have solution, I wanted to jump in here and say I feel your frustration.

When I was an apt dweller, the couple right beside me used to fight like cats and dogs. I could hear everything. Our medicine cabinets were back to back in our bathrooms. I could smell his awful after shave even in my bathroom.The guy upstairs apparently exercised in his apt. And me? Yes, I was considerate and quiet as a mouse and just put up with it.

As a homeowner, we live rural. The dog across the road is sometimes put out in the middle of the night and barks and howls incessantly. If they go away, we have to listen to that for however long they're gone. The dog sleeps all day and carries on all night.

So I feel deeply what you are saying. It's horrible to go to work w/o sleep. It messes up your life really.

The thing is that these days you never know if someone is going to come unhinged if you complain about him/her. People are just so unpredictable. Also, he could be taking great delight in knowing that he's disturbing his neighbors. Anyone with half a brain would know that people are sleeping while he's making noise. I wonder if others have complained.

The only thing I can think of are the old sayings, "keep your friends close but your enemies closer" and "kill 'em with kindness." How about if you'd buy or bake a decadent dessert and pay him a visit? Take a male friend with you. Confront him in a nice way and not accusatory. Introduce yourself as his downstairs neighbor and that you just wanted to say hi and see where it goes. If he's single, he'll appreciate the gift of food and after he meets you and sees you as a human being and not an invisible tenant, maybe things will change for the better. That's the best I can do.

Good Luck and please repost any progress.

[Angelique67]

I've had the same problem in most of my apartments. Loud bass driving me crazy. A rental advisor I spoke to once said Everytime you move you're inheriting someone else's headache. How true that is!

I have no advice, I have no idea how to make the situation better. At this point I'm living in a nursing home and there's no more pounding music or people upstairs or downstairs. No dogs, etc. But I'd much rather have my freedom back again..

I hope the noisemakers will move out.

Welcome to the horrors of the rental life, Empathic_One. I can totally empathize with your pain and frustration over your noisy neighbor and apartment manager's inconsistent enforcement of a quiet building.

That tenant sounds like a nightmare. In your lease, it should state something about quiet hours. I have a noisy neighbor as well and despite my regular complaints to my landlord via email about her, she persists in being obnoxiously loud on a regular basis.

I could sue her, file a police report too. But then what if I win, she gets evicted, and the next neighbor is just as noisy? It's rinse and repeat. It feels like an uphill battle. Some people are just assholes. They think they can be noisy neighbors without consequences.

The one thing you don't want to do is confront him yourself. That could have negative consequences for you, esp if he's some kind of crazy person. Just keep complaining to your landlord. I'm hoping the more I complain, the more likely my landlord will just evict this woman I live across from in my bldg. and I'll get a quiet neighbor again. The rest of my bldg. is very quiet.

If worse comes to worse, you may want to see if you can save up a security deposit and 1st month's rent and move to a different apartment in your same building. Sounds like a hassle I know, but that would be a last resort type of thing.

Good luck. Noisy neighbors are awful people.

[Empathic_One]

Thanks to all those responding. I have been a bit too focused on this, but do not want to be. It's just when another is invading your space, it can be overwhelming.

I know it is likely best for tenants to discuss things face-to-face, and though I thought I would prior, his odd schedule inhibited me from doing so and also, do not want to go upstairs. Then I began thinking that I did not want to speak to him, feeling that if he does not know better in his 50's, it tells me something.

I had contacted the Management Co. supervisor, which was a big mistake, but did so impulsively, being reminded of how she is. I had spoken to her assistant the day prior, who had kindly listened to me and appeared understanding. She said if "not hearing from them, to call again the next day". When I did, was told to call back in 30 min., but got a call from the supervisor a few minutes later, who was not only in a huff, but misconstruing things and just became intimidating. She did tell me to call the manager again when hearing the bass noise, though telling her it is usually late when this occurs. This woman is just hostile and overbearing (of course, the newer tenant is paying more $$ in rent, so the established, more respectful tenant is not considered or supported).

I have lived here for a long while, but since having had some different noise issues from a few others in recent years, it is now being seen by the manager that I am just being "oversensitive" (without her experiencing what I have in each instance). Her attitude has been nonchalant now, negating the situation. It's so frustrating, I know another would be disturbed by it, too. I moved here so long ago, that since then, being some 50 page agreement for incoming tenants to sign. My feeling is, if a tenant would just not do what they signed an agreement to not do in the first place, this behavior wouldn't occur. If a person is actually considerate and respectful as many are, this would not come up.

I recently prepared a well-thought out letter explaining and asking for cooperation, to place on the neighbor's door, when he was gone. (I have read that this can appear as "passive aggressive", but I did not know what else to do, not having assistance). I don't know if it has had much impact. When I heard the bass noise again, I turned on my own stereo, finding it can drown out the thumping noise, not even at a loud level, but soon hearing some conflicting, LOUDER volume from his system. I have not run into him and don't want to.

This is not how I want to waste my energy. I'm tired. I'm older. I want to enjoy my space. It's not like when I could just go find an apartment anywhere, now having specific housing considerations, I am stuck until having an opportunity. It was suggested that I could take another unit when available, yet I am not climbing stairs with bad knees and if downstairs again, the same thing could occur. (When speaking to that younger assistant in the office, she mentioned that another mgmt. company she had worked for "did things differently", which tells me they do not all operate in the same way). Anyway, that's it for now.

You're right, there should be rules that are enforced. I stress the enforcement here as most apartments/condos do have a noise policy. Any rental/lease agreement I have signed has a clause regarding quiet time. It is the enforcement thereof that is problematic.

Note that quiet time also extends to your neighbourhood as community by-laws have similar provisions - and complaints should be addressed by local authorities. No this is not worthy of calling 911 but most police forces have a non emergency communications phone line. This is definitely worthy of contacting either By-Law Enforcement or the Police.

The next time you speak to your property manager (congratulations for already doing so by the way), inform them that if the situation fails to improve you will be contacting the authorities.

Finally, if the management fails to address the situation you have cause to contact your Rental Ombudsman.