[FlyAwayK]

Hi Everyone,

Not sure where to begin. About 6 years ago I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship. Everything started out wonderfully, I became friends with the family, met the relatives, etc. All was great. Then the emotional abuse started and years later things ended. It was hell on earth. I spent weeks at a time curled up in a ball with my stomach so full of knots I thought I wouldn’t make it. I worried about everything.

Fast forward to now. I’ve made some new friends where I moved and I went on vacation with one of them last week. This is a friend, nothing more, but I am really close with them. Probably the closest I have been with someone in a while. I met some of the family, siblings while I was there. It was great. I always over think what I say and when I got home I started to worry that maybe I acted weird and my friend would pull away or something. I started overanalyzing everything I said and how I talked about how glad I was we were close. Was I weirding them out? Pushing them away? Would they start ignoring me when we returned home to our normal lives?

Then it hit when I got home Saturday. I had panic and anxiety like I did back when I was being “dumped” one of the multiple times by my emotionally abusive ex. It felt like the sky looked the same, the days were the same....it just flooded through me when I got home. I had flashbacks of meeting my ex’s family and how last week I met my friend’s family and then the pain of how much it hurt when I had to disconnect from my ex’s siblings. I literally felt like I couldn’t breathe. I keep over analyzing every conversation we have through text or email and nothing that my friend said triggered this, but I keep looking for the negatives in everything now. It’s like I’m waiting to feel those same feelings I did when I was left before. It’s terrifying to feel these emotions and physical pains again. Maybe meeting the family triggered pain from meeting my ex’s family because some of it was similar.

My friend lives a few towns over, so we don’t see other but a few times a month. What am I doing to myself? I don’t want to bring it up because I will sound just bizarre because I know this is all in my own head. I am generally anxious but this coming back and these replicated feeling I had years ago is really scary.

If anyone has some suggestions on how to get past this or experience with something like this, I would love some advice. Did I trigger some sort of post traumatic stress? I just want to feel normal again and not like I am waiting for something terrible to happen.

[Wild Coyote]

Welcome to PC.

I hope you find the information and the support you may be seeking.
Please make yourself at home. Jump in wherever you feel led to do so.

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I hope to see you around the forums.


WC

[Wild Coyote]

I am sorry you are going through this. It all sounds like it has been very anxiety-provoking.

I think you are doing a good job of differentiating which things were from your ex and how your current friend is not doing anything to trigger these feelings.

It surely sounds like you were somewhat traumatized by the former relationship?

It sounds like you can trust the process with your new friend. You may find it helpful to work on interrupting your anxiety?

Try to be very Present within each moment of your life each day.

if you need more help with anxiety, you might benefit from seeing a therapist?

Please take care of yourself.

WC

[FlyAwayK]

Thank you for your kind words. I will focus on mindfulness. Im also considering therapy.