[mle1115]

This is going to be long, but I will try to get to the point quickly. About a month ago, I reconnected with someone I had met briefly in college (10 years ago for me), and we connected over some similar family drama. He’s been under a lot of pressure taking over his dad’s business during a messy divorce due to his dad’s cheating. I was trying really hard to be supportive, but it started bringing up some feelings about my own parents’ very similar situation that triggered my anxiety. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to feel badly. We live in different cities (5 hour drive) and had talked about being interested in each other and wanting to meet up. I decided to at least talk to him about some of my anxiety triggers because it was getting high. He also has anxiety, so I thought he would understand. In the course of the conversation, he basically completely flip flopped on me and told me he wasn’t really serious about meeting up even though he was interested because taking over the business was too much pressure, but he still wanted to stay in touch. He also asked if we could just take a step back, so that’s what I decided to do. I told him I would need some time to figure that out because I was feeling hurt and confused. The next day, he asked how I was doing, and I again told him I needed some time but thanked him for checking in. In the meantime, I started having pretty intense panic attacks. He again contacted me a week and a half later by just sending me a puppy picture, and it honestly kind of set me off. I felt like he was pushing me to be ok when I had made it clear I was not ok. It put me in that defensive mode, and i ended up sending him a long message after a brief exchange. I just told him I would be ready to listen when he was ready to talk about whatever was going on to cause the mixed messages, and that we could talk about it if he was unhappy with my taking a step back but that I had asked for space and he also seemed unhappy about that. I said I feel like I’m in a no win situation with you, so I’m going to need to remove myself from this situation until you know how you feel. He gave me a very curt response about being fine with taking a step back. That was a week and a half ago. I tried to reach out yesterday and apologize for the way things came out and my defensiveness, and he has blocked me on his phone. I feel awful. I have been having panic attacks thinking that I unintentionally hurt him, and now I can’t even apologize. I don’t regret what I said, but I do regret the way it came out. I thought I was doing the right thing by opening the door for him to talk, and I got shut down instead. It triggers the psychological feeling for me that there is something wrong with me.

Do you have any other way of contacting him, other than his phone?

If he's blocked you, all you can do is wait until he unblocks you though, if it ever happens

[Wild Coyote]

It's impossible to explain yourself when someone "blocks" you.

It sounds like it was a very confusing relationship, for sure. I think I would have also taken a step back in order to sort things out.

I am sorry you have not been given a chance to fully express yourself.

I wonder why you are feeling panic?
Does this situation remind you of anyone else in your life?
Have there been other situations where you were feeling very vulnerable and were not allowed to explain yourself completely?

Do you see a therapist?

I hope you can get over the panic. Panic is such a horrible feeling!

Have you tried any deep breathing exercises to interrupt the panic?
There are lots of them on youtube.

You may find additional support in the relationships and Communication Forum as well.

Please take extra good care of yourself.


WC

[AnnaBettina]

We here of course don't know all the ins and outs. For one, we don't know what you said to him in that letter...maybe he had reason to block you??? Whatever the case, just let it go and to this outsider it doesn't sound like it would have ever been a good mix. Try to learn from this experience by being honest with self about his and your behavior. About both of your behaviors. Realize that everyone, including this guy, including you, has a full plate, is just trying to survive. Let it go...wish him well outloud. Wish yourself well outloud. Talk to a therapist if necessary about how to let this go and also about your panic.

Sincerely all the best to you.

[mle1115]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's impossible to explain yourself when someone "blocks" you.


It sounds like it was a very confusing relationship, for sure. I think I would have also taken a step back in order to sort things out.


I am sorry you have not been given a chance to fully express yourself.


I wonder why you are feeling panic?

Does this situation remind you of anyone else in your life?

Have there been other situations where you were feeling very vulnerable and were not allowed to explain yourself completely?


Do you see a therapist?


I hope you can get over the panic. Panic is such a horrible feeling!


Have you tried any deep breathing exercises to interrupt the panic?

There are lots of them on youtube.


You may find additional support in the relationships and Communication Forum as well.


Please take extra good care of yourself.




WC

I see a therapist regularly and am on medication for my anxiety. I told him in the text that I was ready to be open and supportive whenever he was ready to talk about whatever was causing the mixed messages. That I had tried to take a step back and he seemed unhappy about it and that we could talk about that too. That I had asked for space, and it also seemed like that was the wrong thing. I told him we could talk about anything he wanted to talk about, and I would try to be understanding, but that it felt like I was more invested than he was, so I needed to remove myself from the situation unless or until that was no longer the case. He said he wasn’t unhappy with the situation. That it was for the best. Then he blocked me.

I tried to apologize yesterday for the way things came out and that I never meant to be hurtful in any way. Of course, he didn’t get that message. Honestly, I was trying really hard not to be angry with what I said and be open to hearing him instead, but I just got shut down. I said something about that too.

The panic attacks are subsiding. Therapy helps. I’m having panic because it hurts me so much to think that my anxiety caused him any pain.

[mle1115]

Originally Posted by AnnaBettina

We here of course don't know all the ins and outs. For one, we don't know what you said to him in that letter...maybe he had reason to block you??? Whatever the case, just let it go and to this outsider it doesn't sound like it would have ever been a good mix. Try to learn from this experience by being honest with self about his and your behavior. About both of your behaviors. Realize that everyone, including this guy, including you, has a full plate, is just trying to survive. Let it go...wish him well outloud. Wish yourself well outloud. Talk to a therapist if necessary about how to let this go and also about your panic.


Sincerely all the best to you.

Sorry. Replied to too many posts at once. See my post to WildCoyote.

[mle1115]

Originally Posted by whispershadow

Do you have any other way of contacting him, other than his phone?

If he's blocked you, all you can do is wait until he unblocks you though, if it ever happens

He hasn’t unfriended me on Facebook, but I’m afraid that reaching out that way when he has already blocked my phone will just make me look crazy pants.

[mle1115]

Originally Posted by Wild Coyote

It's impossible to explain yourself when someone "blocks" you.


It sounds like it was a very confusing relationship, for sure. I think I would have also taken a step back in order to sort things out.


I am sorry you have not been given a chance to fully express yourself.


I wonder why you are feeling panic?

Does this situation remind you of anyone else in your life?

Have there been other situations where you were feeling very vulnerable and were not allowed to explain yourself completely?


Do you see a therapist?


I hope you can get over the panic. Panic is such a horrible feeling!


Have you tried any deep breathing exercises to interrupt the panic?

There are lots of them on youtube.


You may find additional support in the relationships and Communication Forum as well.


Please take extra good care of yourself.




WC

Also....being cut off is a trigger for me, and I even told him that. This is not a new, surprising discovery for me. I just can’t believe he went this far.