When I hit rock bottom I fall into a deeper abyss.

Sorry for the long post.
I bolded some words so is easier to read.

I remember that I started to feel anxious and depressed at the age of 16. My parents overprotected me, my father forced me to watch his fights where he would humilliate, insult, and hit my mom since I was 6 years old, he would openly say to us that we were worms and insects, and that he was above us. Both didn't let me outside the house (day or night) until I was 16, but that didn't mean that I could freely go out (I couldn't make friends either because my parents told me that I didn't need them). School was hell, my first case of bullying was at the age of 5. Bullying has taken over my life because it hasn't stopped since then. It's insane, but the better I treat people, the shittier they get. I can't get to meet people without them taking advantage of me. The only person I used to trust, who was my mom, once broke down and turn her back on us. That's 2010. That's when I knew that I was all alone.

I can't trust anybody anymore to the point that my brain blocks itself when meeting new people.

My dad in the end was diagnosed with depression too and I've seen what the pills have done to him to the point that he behaves now like a ****ing retard and had to go to rehab for lithium poisoning. I can't trust a Psychologist or a Psychiatrist. Been there many times, but I can't trust them.

Now about myself: I can't trust anybody. I don't talk to people anymore at work or college (They say that I'm too serious and I never laugh or smile). 24/7 I feel an overwhelming unhappiness plus hate and anger towards people in general. I rejoice in their disgraces. There's nothing that makes me more happy now than knowing that something bad is happening to someone.

I tend to examine people behaviours and I know this is not normal, and I know that I shouldn't feel this way. But this is the only way I've been taught to feel.

I didn't come for help, I just came to vent. I know I have no fix. I'm in no way prepared to take a mouthful of pills to feel better, because I know by a fact (my father) that it won't do me any better.

You are a human being and deserve respect and actualization as much as anyone else. Don't give up. There are lots of good self help books that will point you in the right direction. You are not alone in your feelings. There are many people who feel much like yourself.

Well pills aren’t a magic cure. I can see why you would be turned off by what your father went through with lithium poisoning. You do have options though. Like Bluckey said..self help books. Joining a support group. It sounds like you had a pretty traumatic childhood.

I'm sorry your life has come to this. Hopefully having the opportunity to vent, here on PC, is helpful for you. I offer my best wishes with the hope that, in some way, you will be able to find deep peace in your life.