my anxiety can't decide if it wants people to know about it or not

So, I started seeing a clinical psych this week, and was a massive ball of icky social anxiety when I walked into the office only to find a locked steel door inside with a doorbell. No reception area whatsoever (turns out, the gal I'd scheduled with on the phone works from home). So I got there 20 minutes before my appointment, rang the doorbell, and sat down. Someone else came in, rang the bell, and sat. And then someone else. Neither seemed bothered, so I tried to stay chill that I hadn't been acknowledged, but it was weird...normally as a new patient, someone's going to take my insurance card and have MORE paperwork for me to fill out, right? Well, the top of the hour rolled around and first one doctor and then another opened the door to dismiss patients and take the new ones back, but no one came for me. The anxiety returned even stronger.

What if I didn't get put on the schedule? What if she marked me for a different time than she told me and I already missed it and will have to pay out of pocket? Was there another office I was supposed to check in at first, and they're expecting me there this time and not here and I'm technically late?

Kid you not, I was forcing myself not to cry by this point (because right? how much worse would it have been if someone HAD come out for me and I'd been crying??)

But she did eventually come out and call me back, and she was very nice and must simply run behind, because she spent an entire hour with me, not just 50 minutes, and then was all, "I had another question, but oops, out of time!" But we get back to her office and of course she starts asking me questions and I mention this, that, and the other thing, and how nervous I get about going out and doing anything new, "even this appointment."

And she stops, and says, "Really? Are you nervous? You don't seem it!"

Yeahhhh...cuz I talk way too much and way too fast when I'm anxious and I laugh a lot because I'm embarrassed and I just can't shut up. Or make eye contact. But thanks for being nice. LOL (maybe it's my way of masking it or something..."haha, I'm not nervous, YOU'RE nervous, haha!")

I probably should have told her about the waiting room, but I didn't want HER to feel guilty for making me wait. Figure THAT one out. Stupid anxiety.

Thanks for sharing this. I don't see a therapist anymore. I've tried seeing a few for brief periods over the years. None of it ever amounted to much. I hope this turns out to be a good experience for you.

I wish you luck

I haven’t had good experiences with psychologists/therapists . But I’ve heard that if there is a good fit between the psychologist and the client they can be helpful

I have a good psych and she helps cus she treats me like a human being and is understanding. What helps me is knowing that you changing your thinking. Changing perspective can really help even though its hard it can bring comfort.

Maaan, I've experienced this feeling almost exactly, of being in a waiting room where I was almost forgotten (wondering all the while if I did something wrong), and then being worried about making the person I was waiting for feel guilty! (Maybe it's a Midwestern thing!) I also chatter and overcompensate to make up for my nervousness. I often wonder if my nervousness is showing or if I'm doing a good job of masking it (and if I am, whether that's a good thing...).

Anyway, I hope this new venture goes well for you! I'm glad the person you're seeing is nice and takes your time seriously (even if she runs a little behind).