[Ssigros]

Do you ever have one thing happen that makes it feel like your whole life is falling apart?? Or is that simply how anxiety..(or severe stress?)...feels as a whole??

"It's really hard to dream when you're trying to survive."
I heard someone say that on TV and it makes perfect sense. I have the support and family and loved ones, but as a now adult in my late 20's all I'm trying to do is stand on my own two feet. I have a high school diploma...and I'm only now truly serious about turning that into a college degree. I tried college right after high school..like your suppose to do, apparently..only to accumulate $10,000 in school loan debt and a failed few attempts with few credits to show. I thought I was truly lazy, because when I apply myself at things I do really good..at least that's what I've heard from my parents and teachers since I was younger. Now that I'm older and able to look back on all my failures I'm trying to find that missing link. Whether it's my learning disability ADHD that I've dealt with from elementary to high school to my anxiety/fear of the future and succeeding to my ptsd/eating disorder. Or maybe an accumulation of all.
Hey, at least I have a few credits though, right?!

I have a full time 3rd shift job that helps pay bills (like student loan debt that I'm trying to pay down), I live in an apartment above a garage (it's cozy and perfect for me) that I only pay the light bill on since it's owned by family on their property, and a car that sorta works. I decided to work 3rd shift because it pays more money and I can also have my days for school when I start in the fall. I have worked this job going on 2 years now and I only see it as what it is, a job. Something I do, yes on some level to learn from, but more so as a stepping stone. Something that I don't want to be doing for the rest of my working life. I want something that I actually don't mind getting up to go do for the better part of my week. Something that I can live comfortably doing, not feel like I'm only working to survive (i.e. pay the bills), and that I can actually have a life while doing. A career.

I'm now faced with car troubles. My car is a 2002 vw. It's overheated in this now hot *** weather and hard to accelerate. Had to pull over, get tow service...thankfully have roadside assistance with insurance...and the auto repair shop I go to is beyond helpful. They came and got me and took me home. I won't know til Monday what is wrong with my car, but I'm so afraid it's something major like a blown head gasket or something equally expensive. And I don't have the money for repairs at all. My car is to the point that the repairs are more than the car is worth. I would love to get a new (used) car, but if I have no money for repairs than I have no money for another car. I try to save money, but there is no room for any extra savings account for car repairs or anything equally that is needed for everyone to do. I need to keep this car until I have a degree or money in the bank to afford another vehicle. That's my goal/plan, anyways.

If you're still with me, I said all of this to say I just feel hopelessly stuck. I put almost $300 into a class I'm taking this fall that will last only a few months that will get me the certificate that will help me land a prn job that will pay me a little more than my other job and in turn allow me to learn even more in the field I want to get a degree in. Plus they may also help pay for my continued schooling. With me possibly needing costly car repairs though I don't know what to do. I will have to rely on borrowing a car from family, if they feel comfortable doing so, to not only go to work, but also go back and forth to school that is about 30 minutes away 4 times a week in the evening. This is if I have to pay my car repair bill in payments and they keep my car til paid in full. Which I understand. I just feel like I'm in a corner that's continually sinking deeper into a hole. All I want is to not be a burden to anyone anymore. To be a functioning member of society. To be able to make my parents, that I love more than anything, proud. To show them that I did it so that one day I can take care of them as their only child. To have a family...one day a baby of my own. I just want to be able to give more than I need to take. I can't stand asking for this, to borrow that, to have to rely/go to other's for help. To have to need for something that I should be able to take care of and give myself at this point in my life. I'm simply embarrassed and ashamed of my life. My problems probably aren't that big of a deal in the grand scheme of life, but it just feels like the walls are closing in around me drowning and I only want to keep my head above the water til this storm passes and not give out and give up.

Thanks for reading if you made it through all the ramblings in my head. I truly appreciate it.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Ssigros: Thanks for sharing your story and... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

Since school & work are two things that are of particular concern to you two forums, here on PC, that may be of interest would be the school & study forum & the work & careers forum. Here are links to these forums:

https://forums.psychcentral.com/school-study-issues/

https://forums.psychcentral.com/work-careers/

Here are links to some articles, from PsychCentral's archives, on the subject of how to cope with stress & anxiety:

https://psychcentral.com/stress/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/5-steps...g-and-anxiety/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/15-smal...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/blog/11-tip...anage-anxiety/

https://blogs.psychcentral.com/life-...dium=popular17

https://psychcentral.com/lib/9-ways-...ere-right-now/

https://psychcentral.com/lib/top-10-...s-for-anxiety/

I'm sorry you feel the walls are closing in on you. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support. There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. So please keep posting!

Hey man, I do not know you, but I want to tell you this.

I am a 17 year old (will turn 18 this year) and just passed my high school. I am not in the West so our school system is a bit different but let me tell you this, I am a person suffering from traumatic brain injury, autism, social anxiety and chronic isolation, with myriad of other conditions like strabismus. I passed the boards with 48% and managed to get around 40% in the entrance exam. I am here deciding whether to go into pharmaceutical sciences or not. I should have been spent to special school before I turned 13.


Nothing is impossible, and as Turing put it, "Sometimes it is the people you cannot imagine of, do things no one can imagine of." Even if you're a failure in class, just like me, you can still be successful. I am technically special but still am having a passion in science and have the desire to help people. All I can say is best of luck for your future.

May God bless you and you achieve your dreams.

[Ssigros]

Thank you so much Skeezyks and TheLonelyChemist for taking the time to reply back to me. I will definitely check out the other forums related to school/work and the articles! I will heed your advice about reaching out on here more.

TheLonelyChemist...Wow, thank you for showing me to not stop fighting. I'm wanting to go into the medical world myself and I find Math/Chemistry to be my biggest adversaries, besides myself. Congratulations on passing the boards and graduating High School! I have my ups and downs and I've had a difficult few weeks, but I truly believe we can achieve our dreams regardless of our adversaries because Alan Turing is right, "Sometimes it is the people no one can imagine anything of who do the things no one can imagine."

[Unrigged64072835]

Hi and welcome to PC!

I'm 52 and I'm still trying to complete a degree. Mental illness and a career where I'm not around for school a lot didn't help things. I've had to stop again because of anxiety and having to move out of my house, and don't know when I'll pick it back up, if ever. But I do have compassion for myself and understand that I'm doing the best I can with what I have.

My daughter is 21 and she's moving out with her boyfriend and a mutual friend of hers. They may have like one half of a good car between the three of them, they have been applying for jobs and not getting further than an interview. (My daughter doesn't have a job yet as the place she worked at is going out of business. The other two have jobs but want something that pays better.) Yet they are optimistic and looking forward to being on their own. We're helping them out as much as we can, considering both my husband and I are on disability.

I know you want to make your parents proud, and feel better about yourself. The thing is, though, you are doing better. You're having rough times and yes, you may have to ask for help again, but you're better than where you were. And you'll keep getting better.

Originally Posted by Ssigros

Thank you so much Skeezyks and TheLonelyChemist for taking the time to reply back to me. I will definitely check out the other forums related to school/work and the articles! I will heed your advice about reaching out on here more.

TheLonelyChemist...Wow, thank you for showing me to not stop fighting. I'm wanting to go into the medical world myself and I find Math/Chemistry to be my biggest adversaries, besides myself. Congratulations on passing the boards and graduating High School! I have my ups and downs and I've had a difficult few weeks, but I truly believe we can achieve our dreams regardless of our adversaries because Alan Turing is right, "Sometimes it is the people no one can imagine anything of who do the things no one can imagine."

Do not consider yourself as your own enemy my friend. You have full control over yourself (just think about the neural and chemical coordination you have, it may not be fully conscious but it still is your brain which controls you) and you can overcome any, I mean, any obstacle thrown at you if you do smart work instead of just hard work. Look, I cannot drive a motorcycle because I lack the agility to do so, do I give up? Here's the smart work : I will use a taxi to go from home to college and vice versa, and for social life let's just say others find me exploitable. (I am not a psychologist to instantly recognize people's motives if I am under tremendous stress, like I usually am)


Thank you for congratulating me.

I thank you for having the desire to be in the medical world. By becoming a doctor you just not live for yourself but you live for patients and their families as well. My internist saves lives daily and I just find his life to beautiful. Not in the sense he's super-rich or super-powerful, but he has received a lot of blessings. From cardiac arrest to tuberculosis, he treats conditions and saves lives of people.


I could not fulfill my dream of becoming a doctor because I am not that nurtured, which lead me to not be literally as smart as I could have been. I know I sound like a psychiatrist , but I am not one, wish would have been one.

Anyway, math is not something -- as far as my knowledge goes -- medicine requires. You can guess the drug dose based on the patient's severity of symptoms, other co-morbidity and weight. It does not mean you radiologists/radian oncologists cannot do long divisions (like me) but surgeons and clinical specialties also some research specialties do not require calculus and advanced math. (It requires the basic math to say at least.)

Chemistry on the other hand is required. I cannot give you advice since I am not a medical student, and I am going to do a B.S in zoology (don't want to open a retain store, it is fine to be a biology teacher) I am not sure but I think physical chemistry isn't involved at all, while there's only some part of inorganic chemistry, moderate part of organic chemistry.


I really am not sure my dear friend, or else I would have given you advice on chemistry. I do think it is required to understand a lot of detailed biochemistry especially if you become a physician, but if you're in a good health, have hands that do not shake you could always become a surgeon which requires only human biology. You need physical fitness for that, like absence of muscle knots, adjusted weight, absence of tremors, etc.

[ShadowGX]

"All I want is to not be a burden to anyone anymore."

Man have I said that a lot, ha... It took me until I was 27 to stop being a burden to my family and I still have to borrow money like once a year because I barely scrape by and my student loans won't go away. Ugh.

My mom got her masters in psychology at the age of 55. It was very difficult, and she has a lot of trouble with math in particular due to a dyslexia with numbers that I don't know the name of now. It was a dream of hers, just like having a family was. She chose to do the family thing first and still wanted the degree, so she went and got it. If getting a degree is what you want to do, then you go do the darn thing. You're definitely not beyond being able to get one!

[ken9018]

I wouldn't worry about being a burden to your family. I used to think the same thing(I'm twenty and I live at home, and don't drive so my mom and dad drive me around), anyway that's what family is for. They love and care for you during the hardest of times. So just keep doing your best and taking care of yourself mentally. Try your best in school this fall and I hope everything works out. Good luck!