[Cyran0]

Ever since I was a kid I have engaged in a weird behavior I've always called "hyper thought". Two of my brothers also do this and I want to know what it is. It seems like it could be a symptom of a mental illness but I don't know. I've never had any indication of what this could be.

So it goes like this. I start thinking about something that interests or excites me and suddenly everything else disappears. I start making squeezing fists with my hands, my body tenses up and my face contorts (think of the opening scene from the movie scanners and you've pretty much got the face thing visualized). Adrenaline seems to be rushing through me. Whatever I'm thinking about is all I see, like a daydream I've physically stepped into. The real world is gone. I don't hear or see it I'm so focused. It can last a few seconds, it can last for a minute or more. Then, as quickly as it started, I'll snap out of it. The rush fades and I'll look around wondering if anyone noticed. Frequently people have which is how I know what this looks like.

Does anyone recognize this? Anything at all? I'd really like to know.

Oh, and there seems to be no way of preventing this from happening. It just happens.

Cyran0

[Perna]

I use to get something a little similar; when I'd be "reminded" of something, kind of triggered I guess, and a thought/idea I'd been suppressing would come to mind and hit me full force and there'd be a "lightning" chain of thoughts go through my head; I felt like a covey of quail had all taken flight from hiding at once :-)

My face would do really crazy things, get really mobile; all the feelings I was experiencing going across it at once. My T once laughed, it looks so strange (and I could feel that it looked strange so didn't mind her laughing and she apologize, it was a reflex on her part to laugh just like the face I made I couldn't help either). After it would "let me go" it would be suddenly really quiet in my head and I'd gingerly "look around" to see what had happened. Usually things had done a major shift because of the "new" information I had because the suppressed thought was now unsuppressed.

I started thinking of it as my brain getting tired of doing things/growing the slow way, had gotten frustrated waiting for me to understand, get insights, etc. in therapy and instead "Someone" had just grabbed the wiring and realigned all the synapses all at once for me :-)

Can you remember what you are thinking about after the episode? Are there any changes in you?

The better I got in therapy the less often it happened. But when I have things like that I am so interested in them that I ignore if other people see or what they think and try to figure them out for me so I understand them. I laugh at it too because I know it must look funny because it really feels peculiar!

[Cyran0]

You're right, it sounds similar. Did your T say what it was exactly?

To clarify my experience, it's like a trance. A really really excited trance. I honestly feel great when it's happening. Energized, focused. I can cover huge amounts of material, work out complex problems, recall a memory in vivid detail, or work out the details in some completely invented story element, all in a few moments. After I snap out of it, I remember everything. And I can come and go from these trances dozens of times in a few minutes or not once in a single week.

Another interesting element. I have no control over it unless I consciously choose not to lose myself in any fantasies, etc. Also, I can't choose what I'm going to think about when this happens. It's just some random thought that will launch me into overdrive.

It doesn't hurt me, it's happened all my life, so it's not necessarily a bad thing. I'd just like to know what it is.

Cyran0

[Perna]

Mine happened most often when I was in my head, in "fantasy" thinking about therapy and trying to work things out, etc. I wouldn't know it was coming or be able to do anything about it either, it would just be an "insight" and all the ruckus that would start would be me following it to its logical conclusion while I was protesting, while I was mentally "screaming" in terror and trying to think/run in opposite directions, etc. :-) It was just an "overload" of my thought and feeling processes.

The more "willing" I was to explore difficult topics in therapy and the more comfortable I got with that, seemed to make it happen less. The whole "when" it happened was a clue. My T didn't say much about it, I had told her about it but she'd never "seen" it but then understood. We were able to talk together about "that" one and that was helpful, putting it into words. I think it's so intense because we don't have the words for it? It's kind of like a flashback in that sense except it's a thought rather than a memory? But the more I could express myself, get stuff out, the less it happened. So, must just be a visual versus "word" way of communicating with yourself? If you think about it :-) all thoughts use words. But if we don't have the words, how else is your subconscious going to talk to you? Has to use visual/"take over" your brain which I could see would take over one's whole nervous system; kind of like at night when you're dreaming, you get "locked" in then too but can twitch and occasionally kick, etc. Think of a dog dreaming :-)

[Cyran0]

I KNOW WHAT THIS IS!!!

Or at least, I think I do. I'd never tried to do research to discover what it is but over the last day or so, I've really been looking into it.

What I found is that this is essentially a tic, like you'd find in Tourette's disorder. But I don't fit the diagnostic criteria for Tourette's (no verbal tic, just physical) so I looked into other disorders that feature tics and as it happens, this is often a component of OCD. I've been diagnosed with OCD before so I know I fit the criteria so this seems like the logical explanation.

I start therapy again on Monday and I will be asking a lot of questions about this. I don't want to self diagnose but this explanation feels right.

YAY! Well, not yay that I have OCD but since I already knew I had that, YAY I KNOW WHAT THIS MIGHT BE!

Heh. Such a silly thing to be so happy about but I've never in my life had this much of a clue as to what this incredibly odd behavior is.

Cyrano

[Perna]

I'm not sure. A tic usually is just physical, not "thinking" oriented? This sounds the other way around? My niece use to do a funny thing with her hands. . .

OCD can be brought under control by CBT and the like but you were saying you couldn't control this?

http://www.aap.org/publiced/BK5_Tics.htm

[Cyran0]

Well, thinking triggers it, it seems. Or, possibly, I just think it does. Maybe the tic is triggering the thoughts and I just don't perceive it that way?

I can't say.

What I mean by not being able to control it is that I can't make it happen intentionally, or make the thoughts be about a certain topic. I can, however, keep it from happening by focusing on remaining in the moment.

I don't know either but it feels like the first solid lead I've ever had. I'm not going to attempt to self diagnose but it does give me a departure point for therapeautic discussions.

Cyran0