[communityaccount]

I must say that I was doing well for the first five years since my first visit with my psychotherapist. She gave me coping techniques to ease my anxiety when eating in front of other people.


However, three years ago, my anxiety started to creep back slowly in these situations. I suppose it's because I am now working full-time in an office setting where everyone is very proper and professional. Since January, my anxiety in these eating situations have returned with a raging vengeance. I feel like all of my coping techniques have failed on me which is terrifying as I have nothing to turn to anymore. It's the goodbye luncheons (for departing colleagues) that terrify me the most. Being in a restaurant with colleagues and managers (people who you see on a daily basis but are not close enough to consider them as your friends) makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel like everyone is staring at me and that I can't escape.


In the hours leading up to the lunch, my breathing increases, my stomach hurts, I get diarrhea, and my mouth gets dry. As a result of a dry mouth, I have to pee more often and sometimes, the dry mouth makes me feel nauseated. It's difficult to concentrate at work. At times, I am afraid that my symptoms will go out of control at the restaurant.

During the lunch, my mouth goes dry which makes it fiercely difficult to swallow food. It almost makes me feel sick. I therefore take small bites which makes me the slowest eater at the table. I then feel embarrassed to be still eating while everyone else is finished. I always feel pressured to hurry and eat as much as I can before somebody makes a comment on how slow I eat/how much food there's left on my plate. I feel so embarrassed to pack the meal and carry it back to the office because I don't want people to see it and be reminded of my failure. It's such a ridiculous fear, I know.


I have been seeing my psychotherapist again. She said that in work situations, there is always a colleague who doesn't attend goodbye luncheons, so it's no big deal if I have to skip out on one. I told her that I can only eat salads in these situations because they seem to be more digestible when I'm nervous. Though it's not guaranteed that I will be able to finish the entire plate.

Last week, I started a cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) session with her. I listed all of my thoughts/fears of eating in front of co-workers in a restaurants. Then I listed all of the things that I can do to help ease the situation. I said that I can:
-distract myself by looking at funny pictures or gifs saved on my phone
-sip water to ease my dry mouth
-order a salad or appetizer
-sit at the end of the table
Apparently, CBT is effective IF you actually put yourself in the situation that is giving you anxiety. Talk about impossible for the anxious individual!


I have a goodbye luncheon to attend tomorrow. I have miraculously RSVP'd because I need to test to see if this CBT thing will work. At my next CBT session, I have to report to her what went well and what didn't. I saw the menu and I want to order a Greek salad because it's probably the most manageable item but I don't want people to comment on how little of a meal that is! I'm already skinny as it is so I don't want people to worry/make fun of me. I might top up the salad with some meat like shrimp or chicken to make it look like a heavier meal but I'm afraid that I won't be able to eat it all. Is it socially acceptable to order only a salad (with or without meat) at a goodbye luncheon?


As well, I want to sit at the end of the table, but how do you fight for it without sounding like you're desperate?


Sorry for sounding so frantic and helpless. I feel calm now but I know that my symptoms will go out of control before and during the lunch. And that's irritating me!


Thank you so much.

I really hope that your cbt will work.

I did CBT for 6 months, and I found it really helpful.

(((((hugs))))))