[ConfusedInside]

Apologies if thid is the wrong forum to bring this topic up in.

Basically as a young man growing up I was a fiery character, I got into trouble for bullying and would let people know if they pissed me off, I also knew what I wanted. However in time this attitude got me in trouble and my parents squeezed it out of me, and rightfully so.

I know find myself a young(ish) man 28, with a lot of self doubt. I get into awkward situations and I'm not assertive enough, I feel like I let people walk all over me and I don't know what to do or say for fear of causing offence or starting something when it isn't necessary. I basically feel like I've been castrated and I'm a total wimp. Ironically I train in the gym four times a week and have done so for 10 years and am big in size and strength, I just feel I have no psychological presence.

For example:

Today I go around my in-laws house, they are looking after my dog while I go on holiday and feed me for the night while shuttling me to the airport. Just prior to going to bed mother in law says let the dogs out, gate is left open out the back and the dog runs out and we lose her for minutes on a busy road. I come back in with the dog and the mother in law apologises and the girlfriend then blames me, of course I shouldn't of let her out without checking..Then we're upstairs cleaning the dog as she's rolled in fox crap and I'm getting blames by my girlfriend, mother in law walks in 'naughty dog' rolling in fox poo but cleaning her and apologising for leaving the gate open.

NOW throughout this situation I just don't really look at anyone as I am pissed off, who says let a dog out without checking your gates are shut on a busy road,? two, why are you blaming my dog as if it's naughty...? Why is it her fault (she's rescue and a bit promiscuous).

Now one side of my brain is wanting to go WTF we're you thinking, I can't believe you ******* forgot or my dog isn't naughty don't pass the ******* buck. Take the dog and go back home. She looked after it once in camping and it ŕan off...

The other side of my brain is going it wasn't intentional. It was a mistake, she's a nice lady, just find the dog it's not a blame game. They're doing you a favour and helping out. Its not worth a huge argument and fall out.

I always take the second option In these kind of scenarios and always try to see the good and I feel like a ***** for it and it gets me down. Views appreciated.

I also feel in confrontational situations I freeze I'm not quick on the spot and I don't like or enjoy going in on people, coupled with low confidence.

Thanks,

G

[Skeezyks]

Hello G: I'm sorry I don't think there is really much of anything I can suggest with regard to this. (Perhaps other members, here on PC, will have some perspectives they can share.) To me, this seems like a concern that is perhaps best delved into, at-length & in-depth, with the help of a skilled mental health therapist. Here are links to 5 articles, from PsychCentral's archives, that may be of some interest, the first by our host Dr. John Grohol, Psy.D.:

10 Reasons You Can't Say How You Feel

Building Assertiveness in 4 Steps

5 Tips to Increase Your Assertiveness

Inner Strength: How to Build a Firm Foundation for Living Your Best Life

How to Build Self-Confidence, Inner Strength, & Resilience

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

You’re in a Goldilocks dilemma. Before your response was too big; now your response is too small. You must be on the road to finding just right!