[IneedTHISlikeAIR]

When I was growing up, I mainly suffered from depression. I remember being so young that I didn't know what it was so I use to tell my mom that my heart hurt because that was the only way I could explain it. But as I got older the anxiety started kicking in. I would get nervous for school everyday even though I basically knew everybody and when there was a situation where I would have to speak in front of a group, it would constantly be on my mind and I will stress over it and I will do anything to avoid those situations. High school wasn't so bad for me because I did have a best friend and she knew to some level about my anxiety and she was willing to speak for me. Now I am 18 and graduated from high school. Now it's time for college, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot make myself go to college to sign up. I KNOW I HAVE to do it but I just can't. I know I need help because its taking over my life but I'm scared to do that. Especially since I already have once... Over the past couple of years, I have had two panic attacks that i have ended up in the hospital for. I finally told my doctor how bad it was and it was the first time I really told anyone how bad it was. She made me feel like what I was dealing with was nothing. She gave me the titles of some self help books and that was that. They didn't help me at all. They all say to go out and do things and put yourself in situations you're not comfortable in but I do that all the time. I was involved in clubs at schools even though that was the last thing I wanted to do. I even managed to get a nice circle of friends and an amazing boyfriend. I also had a job for a couple of months. Before the interview i had a panic attack and it felt like the end of the world but no one else understood. My mom also suffers from anxiety and she rarely leaves the house. I don't want to end up like that. I need help. I'm scared to talk to another professional because of what happened last time. I think the only option for me is medication because I feel it's so bad. I'm also scared to go to someone I know and love because I don't want to seem weak. I just really need help. I don't want to lose my life to anxiety.

[pegasus]

Hello,

I'm sorry your doctor did not really take it on board. It sounds to me like you need to see a therapist, talking therapy helps as you will learn where the anxiety comes from and you will learn how to cope with it. Please keep posting here as it helps to share.

[spondiferous]

Ah yes. Unfortunately...that is what doctors will often do with anxiety and panic. They will pooh-pooh it away, tell you to take these meds but be warned, they can take up to three months to actually help and until then you're pretty much on your own, and in the meantime just try to distract yourself and read as much as you can and do this and do that but ultimately it's not a serious problem because it's not 'life threatening'. I beg to differ.
My anxiety, at its worst, is completely debilitating. I cannot function. I cannot read books of any kind. I cannot be in groups of any kind. I cannot sleep. I cannot eat. I am NOT okay. It's a VERY serious problem. In fact sometimes I would do anything - and I do mean anything, drastic, harmful, scary, violent, whatever - just to make it stop. Because my anxiety can last, in a heightened, can't-eat-can't-sleep-can't-leave-the-house state for months at a time, with lingering symptoms that, this time around, are still here four years later.
I say get a doctor who knows a bit more about anxiety and anxiety disorders. If you have the ability to more or less function independently, you may want to consider seeking out a peer group or support group of some kind because the truth is that this affects SO many people and I just don't understand why it's not being given the attention and respect it deserves.
I hope in the meantime that you are able to hang in there.

[IneedTHISlikeAIR]

Thanks. So I did manage to sign up for college and I've been going for two weeks now. I'm proud of myself for going but that doesn't make the fear go away. In three of my classes, they've already talked about group presentations. I dread every single day of my life now but I keep going because I know that I have to. Also, since my last post I did reveal to my mom how bad my anxiety was and it did not go well. I was nervous about telling her and she could tell something was wrong and asked me an right away I started crying because I had been holding it in for so long. And then she started yelling cuz I couldn't even tell her what was wrong. Anyway, I did eventually end up saying it was really bad and I needed to go to the doctors. And then the topic was never mentioned again. I don't know what else to do.