"I hope I die instead"

This is what keeps coming into my mind lately. I often think something like "I hope my parents die" or something like"I hope something really bad happens to some other family member" or "I hope something bad happens to me" (This one is way less frequent) and then I think "I hope I die instead". And it really doesn't help that my dad keeps joking about him not having many days or years left. I do not know what's happening.

Also, on a different subject, can someone please tell me how to reduce feeling drained most of the day after physio(everything's okay on the dietary and sleep side of things)? I underwent an elbow surgery after a biking accident and I have no energy to study, and that is pretty important since I have my semesters from the 19th of this month, and just keep procrastinating because whenever I try to study, it's too draining and I quit in the first five or ten minutes. Because I keep thinking to myself "I hope I die instead of flunking my exams another time". I'm already a year and a half overdue on my bachelor's degree.

P.S: Please move it to a different section or suggest the relevant forum if this thread isn't relevant in this category of the forums

I can relate to your struggles. Sometimes I wonder if I deserve to die. And I struggle with studying too and think I'm not good at doing anything... I'm sorry you're struggling with something similar, as well but please, remember that you're worthy of love. What makes you think those things about your family members?

Well, that's the thing... Nothing It's just...out of the blue I'm sure I'm not good at doing anything. Hope it's gotten better for you, atleast

guilty.

I put my hands up and say that I've done this

it usually happens when someone is really happy about something, so confident that nothing will go wrong- and I'm thinking, please, something go wrong, please anything, give them a wake up call

and I think like this when it comes to my parents too

for all I care they can be eaten by jaws.

useless good for nothing people

I'm sorry you feel that way raging vortex, I hope that goes away. And also, all this is what's weird for me... They're not exactly happy... We're kinda having some difficulties actually.

((((never. happy)))) ((((raging vortex)))) You're not alone in this.

I completely relate to your feelings. Everytime i drive, i wish i get into a fatal accident. Please understnd that you are not alone and you have people around who love you. You have already taken the first and the most important step : reaching out for help. We are all here to help you out. Please do not feel cornered or alone.