[AzulOscuro]

Maybe I’m gonna ask something stupid but it’s something that has been spinning my mind for years.
I find very hard to cut conversations off. When someone approaches to me, I tend to give that impression of “I’m all ears”. I’m pretty shy and introvert, especially with people I don’t know. I don’t find easy to trust people I don’t know.
I sometimes find that completely strangers open to me, I guess they do the same with other people, and there they go, they talk to me about everything. About their whole life, their struggles, their happy moments, their lives and part of their relatives, neighbours’ lives.
I don’t feel very comfortable with people who are so open and talk and talk about everything with me, a completely stranger.
Here is the point when I need to go off and stop the conversation.
I always find very hard to cut the conversation off. I don’t want to seem rude or make that person feel rejected.
I know people with social skills know how to do it.
I feel bad when I do it and I think that I do it awkwardly when I dare to.
Someone feels identify with this?

[TishaBuv]

At a certain point when the conversation starts winding down, I say “It was great to see you.” Then I move my body away. They’ll usually pick up on my lead and it naturally ends and we part. Sometimes they don’t though. Like with my landscaper. Sometimes I start closing the door while he’s still talking! It’s so awkward. But that’s not the norm.

What keeps you from ending the conversation? Do you feel rude?

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

At a certain point when the conversation starts winding down, I say “It was great to see you.” Then I move my body away. They’ll usually pick up on my lead and it naturally ends and we part. Sometimes they don’t though. Like with my landscaper. Sometimes I start closing the door while he’s still talking! It’s so awkward. But that’s not the norm.

Yeah, there are people who seem they have just gone out of an isolation
period on a prison. Lol! They are hungry to be listened.
Yes, I barely dare to say the first “goodbye” word.

Yes, nice to see you or nice to meet you sounds a very appropiate comment. I guess I need practise. I see myself how I even encourage the person to go on talking. I guess is bc I try to avoid at any account that this person could feel rejected as I myself felt in many occasions.

I will try to practise what you do.
Thanks!!!!

[TishaBuv]

Saying “It was...” is hinting that it’s over.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

What keeps you from ending the conversation? Do you feel rude?

I don’t know. I guess that I don’t want anyone to feel or think what I feel and think about myself when I misunderstand someone’s behaviour as a rejection.
I sometimes see reality through lots of mental filters. Surely, what many people take as natural and don’t give a second thought, I overthink it.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Saying “It was...” is hinting that it’s over.

Yes, I see. :-)
But, I can’t avoid feeling bad.
I’m gonna try it though.

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I don’t know. I guess that I don’t want anyone to feel or think what I feel and think about myself when I misunderstand someone’s behaviour as a rejection.

I sometimes see reality through lots of mental filters. Surely, what many people take as natural and don’t give a second thought, I overthink it.

I think it would be good to think more on what is best for you versus what the other people are thinking and feeling. Have you noticed how many other people interrupt or abruptly end conversations? I have always found that annoying and like you, I have tended to be a polite listener. I have learned to move away and end conversations I don’t want to be part of. It didn’t feel natural at first and often it still feels rude to me. But it’s also a relief because there’s no sense in other people talking and taking up your time and energy. It’s exhausting. Acting really busy helps me to not feel so rude about cutting off the conversation.

Originally Posted by AzulOscuro

I don’t know. I guess that I don’t want anyone to feel or think what I feel and think about myself when I misunderstand someone’s behaviour as a rejection.

I sometimes see reality through lots of mental filters. Surely, what many people take as natural and don’t give a second thought, I overthink it.

Ah. I just re-read what you wrote here and saw that you wrote about rejection. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you don’t want to reject people because you know how hurtful it feels to be rejected. I can completely relate. But it does feel better to set boundaries.

[MickeyCheeky]

((((AzulOscuro)))) I'm sorry you're struggling. I agree to just say some phrase of circumstance, like "It was nice to talk to you" or "I have to go now".

[Miss P]

Hugs, I understand. I’m sorry, as I’ve no advice, but I more than relate n wanted to let you know.

Btw, I have zero social skills, but, can honestly say, I’ve witnessed people with so called skills, and they have shown less awareness towards this issue. Hugs n light!

[Little Lulu]

This is a very interesting topic. I don't have trouble ending a conversation since I use the "It was nice to see you" technique or some version thereof. But I have a neighbor who is notoriously difficult to talk to. I bumped into him yesterday and it was awkward as usual but I just realized that he is very efficient in his verbal responses, quick and to the point. That isn't necessarily a bad trait but if I want more from him then asking a question that has a "yes" or "no" response won't work. I need to ask something open-ended, like "Tell me about your golf tournament last weekend, your wife said you played well". And even then, I don't think I'll get much of a reply. It just isn't his style.

Just giving this consideration will make it easier next time I see him because I can understand/accept how he is a little better and be grateful he isn't one of those hanger-ons who keeps you tied up for hours if you let them :-)) Thank you for bringing this up.

Thank

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

Ah. I just re-read what you wrote here and saw that you wrote about rejection. My heart goes out to you. It sounds like you don’t want to reject people because you know how hurtful it feels to be rejected. I can completely relate. But it does feel better to set boundaries.

I sort of think it maybe a combination of lack of social skills, a fear to take a lead in the conversation and projecting onto others my own fears.
I always felt in a second place, to say the least. :-) It’s very rare for me to take the lead of a conversation. The few times I tried it, I saw how people struggle to keep their attention to what I’m saying.
On the other side, I feel bad and unfair to give them a wrong impression. Bc I’m not a person who likes sharing with whoever. I became pretty selective. And only time and knowing the other person little by little, could make me feel comfortable and want to share.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

((((AzulOscuro)))) I'm sorry you're struggling. I agree to just say some phrase of circumstance, like "It was nice to talk to you" or "I have to go now".

Even this takes me a great effort.
I still remember when I was a tutor of a group of kids and we have one of these appointments with the parents.
Thanks my coworker who I came back in the car with and came to my classroom to finish the meeting for me. I could be still there, in the meeting. Lol!

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Miss P

Hugs, I understand. I’m sorry, as I’ve no advice, but I more than relate n wanted to let you know.

Btw, I have zero social skills, but, can honestly say, I’ve witnessed people with so called skills, and they have shown less awareness towards this issue. Hugs n light!

I understand what you mean. Anyway, it’s important to have social skills, at least, the most important ones to avoid misunderstandings. You know.
Don’t take me wrong. Heart is much more important to me, but social skills can help.

[AzulOscuro]

Originally Posted by Little Lulu

This is a very interesting topic. I don't have trouble ending a conversation since I use the "It was nice to see you" technique or some version thereof. But I have a neighbor who is notoriously difficult to talk to. I bumped into him yesterday and it was awkward as usual but I just realized that he is very efficient in his verbal responses, quick and to the point. That isn't necessarily a bad trait but if I want more from him then asking a question that has a "yes" or "no" response won't work. I need to ask something open-ended, like "Tell me about your golf tournament last weekend, your wife said you played well". And even then, I don't think I'll get much of a reply. It just isn't his style.

Just giving this consideration will make it easier next time I see him because I can understand/accept how he is a little better and be grateful he isn't one of those hanger-ons who keeps you tied up for hours if you let them :-)) Thank you for bringing this up.

Thank

I see. I normally don’t have the patience to deal with a person like the one you describes. It’s very difficult for me to break the ice, over and over again but it’s bc of my own skills.

You’re very welcome!