Is this really just anxiety?

I'm so scared, I feel disconnected, sometimes I think im dead or my brain tells me bad things. or I have thoughts that arent possible but freak out from them. I dont feel normal anymore like I used to and everything is scary and so much to handle, I can keep it away by distracting myself with videogames or youtube but real life feels so different and blurry and i feel like my brain isnt ok or im broken. I need help or something...But its so hard to talk, everything feels so hard and lonely when i stop looking at a computer or distracting myself. I need mental help or to see if my brain is ok or... something cuz im so anxious and paranoid if I dont distract myself. Everything feels different. I dont know what to do I want to live but i constantly feel like im dying or never going to be ok. I want to go back, or to fix it.
It all started when I decided to take my depression meds, then it was like I was stuck in a bad drug trip for a few weeks, it was so horrible. so I threw them out. Its gotten better now but i still feel broken and I dont know what it is or if im forever broken and it terrifies me. I barely go out or do anything in real life because everything feels bad. i feel like a vegtable and im so scared.

Hello Valll: Thank you for bringing your concern here to PC. I see this is your first post. So... welcome to Psych Central. I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time. Hopefully coming here to PC can be of some comfort & support.

I'm not a mental health professional. So I can't suggest to you what may be going on with you. (Perhaps other members may have some insights they'll wish to share.) You didn't mention if you're seeing a therapist. If not, I would think that might be one thing you'd want to do. You did mention having thrown out some depression med's. So I presume you must have seen a doctor of some sort or another along the way. Seeing a psychiatrist, if you're not already doing so, might be another step to consider.

One thing you might do, here on PC, is to take some of the quizzes & tests that are on offer. Here's a link to the listing of quizzes & tests that are available:

Psychological Quizzes and Tests

I hope you find PC to be of benefit.

I feel the same way, like there’s no purpose to yourself. Any little thought is over analyzed. I totally understand what you’re feeling sometimes I feel like something’s wrong with me and don’t know how to fix it. You’re not alone

Sadly I can't talk to a therapist, I barely leave the house and I can't really afford that. When I leave the house or even talk to family in the house for too long I start feeling discomfort and it turns to fear and anxiety visual issues that I can't handle. I've tried to find anything to help me since I can't really pay for stuff in my state of mind. And most of the time I'm too scared or just freeze when I try to tell my Family I think I need help or therapy.