[Lian877]

Hi, I didn't think I would post again but I just needed a safe space to vent.
I was getting really triggered today, my mental health was not great and my dad(who I have an awful relationship with) was triggering me.

I saw my BIL gently play with my sister's hair while we were hanging out. I thought he was just being playful/affectionate. (they recently married)

The only problem is that fifteen minutes later while we are in my sister's old room sorting out her clothes and I feel someone tugging on my hair as well. I thought it w as the wind...except the windows weren't open.

It made me uncomfortable and unfortunately I got a bit triggered.
My dad had being staring at me during dinner (when people asked me questions, so it wasn't 'wrong' to do so, I just hate his staring in general). I have had my dad, a doctor. strangers do borderline or mild to moderate levels of molestation or invasion of privacy etc before. with my dad it was usually 'uncomfortable' things like listening in on me doing my business in the interests of making sure I wasn't engaging in compulsive wiping when I was younger- he would literally shout through the wall to 'stop wiping'! so I avoid going to the toilet when he's in the bathroom, or scanning my body up and down and commenting on my body weight, but because of my mental problems and our awful relationship I hated having any 'contact' with him whatsoever.

So this small incident just made me feel a little uncomfortable and weirded out. And triggered everything... I don't know if my BIL was acting inappropriately or if its just me being too sensitive...

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Lian877

Hi, I didn't think I would post again but I just needed a safe space to vent.
I was getting really triggered today, my mental health was not great and my dad(who I have an awful relationship with) was triggering me.

I saw my BIL gently play with my sister's hair while we were hanging out. I thought he was just being playful/affectionate. (they recently married)

The only problem is that fifteen minutes later while we are in my sister's old room sorting out her clothes and I feel someone tugging on my hair as well. I thought it w as the wind...except the windows weren't open.

It made me uncomfortable and unfortunately I got a bit triggered.
My dad had being staring at me during dinner (when people asked me questions, so it wasn't 'wrong' to do so, I just hate his staring in general). I have had my dad, a doctor. strangers do borderline or mild to moderate levels of molestation or invasion of privacy etc before. with my dad it was usually 'uncomfortable' things like listening in on me doing my business in the interests of making sure I wasn't engaging in compulsive wiping when I was younger- he would literally shout through the wall to 'stop wiping'! so I avoid going to the toilet when he's in the bathroom, or scanning my body up and down and commenting on my body weight, but because of my mental problems and our awful relationship I hated having any 'contact' with him whatsoever.

So this small incident just made me feel a little uncomfortable and weirded out. And triggered everything... I don't know if my BIL was acting inappropriately or if its just me being too sensitive...

I completely understand how you feel. You are not wrong for feeling the way you feel. I'm sorry that you had to go through that.

[Lian877]

Thank you. Your words mean a lot. I'm glad that I can express myself on this forum. I'm just worried for the future and their future kids but am moving on, hopefully it was not a sign of something sinister.

Eww that is totally inappropriate for your BIL to play with your hair, just after playing with your sister (his wife)'s hair. My BIL would never touch me b/c he knows I'd left hook him. I don't think you are being oversensitive. He sounds like he invaded a boundary today with you. Maybe tell him not to do that again.

[Lian877]

Originally Posted by StreetcarBlanche

Eww that is totally inappropriate for your BIL to play with your hair, just after playing with your sister (his wife)'s hair. My BIL would never touch me b/c he knows I'd left hook him. I don't think you are being oversensitive. He sounds like he invaded a boundary today with you. Maybe tell him not to do that again.

Sadly I have problems with verbalizing things like this, especially because my sister's and mother's response to these types of things esp in regards to family members has been very negative. But i'll just remain vigilant and definitely stay away if he does anything inappropriate in the future.