Concerned about closing myself up to people again

I do envy a lot people who find easy to engage with people, meet and connect with them easily. Join groups to do different kind of activities.
I’m just the opposite for obvious reason stated in my signature.
Lately, when I don’t feel depressed, I have been trying to open up to people. It’s worthy because you feel like you belong to the human race at least a little.

Two experiences have happened that made me lose my confident.
One is the fact that the few people I have met and I saw them as possible friendship, people around me don’t trust these relations or have their reservations about these people. As if they had a hidden agenda in regards to the relation with me. It makes me doubt because I’m a very insecure person and easily influenced as to what relations concerns. Indeed I cut off the relation with one of these persons and I felt so bad when I ran into her some days ago.

Then, there’s the problem that I had recently an experience that makes me question how hard I have to connect with people.

It is all making me want to withdraw of trying it. And it would have a very negative effect. I know it because I’ve already experienced it.

I relate to what you wrote about feeling anxious about making connections, and joining social groups/interactions.
I have recently thought the same thing, "maybe I should just close myself off to everyone?". But, as I read your message, I felt inside of me that it might just hurt more. We all need to feel that we are loved and appreciated. Just be kind with yourself and take it one step at the time. If you feel too anxious about joining an activity, then maybe do something smaller. But should always be something you feel capable of doing / comfortable with.
Feel free to message me if you want to talk further.

Thank you for your kind and warm reply. People like you make this all counts.

I've got enough money saved to live like a hermit until social security kicks in.. It's seriously tempting.

I have a hard time making connections with other people. They never seem real. I am lucky that my wife has similar issues as me so that we keep each other company. Anxiety and panic attacks really are hard to deal with.. good luck!

So good you found a like-minded person. It definitively makes the difference, somehow they makes us being more connected with the world.
I’m very happy for you.

Thanks for your insight!

I can figure it. I live as an hermit myself.
I got my retired in 2018. I couldn’t cope with the stress and depressions that my insecurities created. What I can do? I’m such a weak person. So different to people like you and others.

Good post. Hugs and respect to you

These pandemic restrictions have been somehow comfortable for me since I don't have to meet people. I'm not saying that's a positive thing at all. Before the pandemic, I've tried showing up at meetup groups and singles parties. I'm also uncomfortable around many people and I get extremely exhausted after being to such meetings. Sometimes, they go well, sometimes not. Every now and then, I found myself regretting meeting people when I'm back home. But thinking about it again now, the more I tried, the less hurt I was when things didn't go well. Why did I do it even if it was uncomfortable? I'm honestly not sure. I guess I still have a little hope in my heart that somewhere out there, I can find people I can truly connect with.

You’re not weak. You’re strong even if you don’t feel like you are. You’ve reached out for support here, and that takes courage. I’m proud of you for asking for help and sharing your story. You’re not alone.

I understand how you feel. There have been times when I could only leave home if it was required…pharmacy and doctor’s appointments. With COVID, others have had to stay home, and that’s helped my feelings some. It’s like I’ve had an excuse. Finding connections can be a challenge, I agree. Sometimes I wonder if there’s something wrong with because when I’ve tried to make friends, those people just aren’t interested in making a connection. I can relate to being exhausted after meeting people in groups. For some of us, it’s almost like a chore to try to connect. I hope you’re able to make connections here and elsewhere. Message me if you’d like to talk more.

@AzulOscuro how are things going for you at the moment?

I agree, you are not weak. Some of us struggle in this area but it's not weakness I believe. There can be many reasons why we struggle, as many different reasons as there are different people possibly.

You wrote "people around me don’t trust these relations or have their reservations about these people. As if they had a hidden agenda in regards to the relation with me. It makes me doubt because I’m a very insecure person and easily influenced as to what relations concerns. Indeed I cut off the relation with one of these persons and I felt so bad when I ran into her some days ago."

Would you like to talk more about this?

I met a woman and her doggie while being in the park with my doggies. From the beginning I saw she was also a crazy of animals like me and she was very open to me. Very extrovert.
She was even opened to share time with me, go to have breakfast with our doggies. I invited her to take something and she invited me. Each time she came to my city contacted me to meet us. She even invited me to spend days with my doggies in the Community she lives.

My partner thought she was trying to seduce me or something. As my partner is very sociable and has lot of experience dealing with people, I began to have doubts and I couldn’t let aside that idea from my mind and I stopped messaging her.

I don’t want to blame my partner.
It all comes from my stupid lack of experience and my insecurities. I can’t connect with people. I’m sure about it. My personal qualities are not appealing at first sight, to say the least, that’a why I tend to hide myself in my own world. This woman was like fresh air for me, to be honest.

@AzulOscuro I am uncertain why your partner thought this woman was trying to seduce you from what you describe this sounds an everyday interaction between 2 women? You both love dogs and it sounds like you had a lot in common?

I have a female friend, extrovert, dog owner, and she has met several friends in the way you are describing. They walk dogs together, hang out, get breakfast sometimes too. It sounds nice to me? Did your partner say why he thought she was trying to seduce you?

Btw I think you are (in your posts here) an interesting, thoughtful, intelligent and humorous person - I can see why someone would seek your company.

I so understand your feelings on this im very bad at connecting with new people and keeping connection I made,I can express my self here or on other on line stuff but I seem to bore people in person and they drift away,both my husbands I met not face to face so we kinda knew one another before we met.
I don't have confidence in my worth so I'd say I sell myself short I avoid social situations unless I know people ,but my circle is very limited mostly family and I feel if I could push myself to show people the real me I might have more success in connecting maybe we need to connect better with ourselves first to be able to project how special we are to others, im trying mindfullness and meditation to seek understanding of myself and hope that in time my confidence in meeting and connecting will grow,

No, no, no.. @Discombobulated, I do appreciate your words towards me but what you describes it’s only a mask. I have a lot of respect for people so I try show myself as normal as I can. I’m not like this. I’m a sad and insecure person, often strict (obsessive person) This is what describes myself better. My weakness are animals. They take out the best and the real from me.

I asked my partner why he arrived to the conclusion that this lady had a hidden agenda and he replied that it wasn’t normal that all the events happened in such a little period of time, in such a rush. That she invited me to her cottage to spend a time there, knowing that I had a partner.

Apart that your post is full of points I can feel
myself reflected with, you mentioned a very relevant point, to know yourself before. Because just now I have such a mess in my mind that I cannot feel that I have much to offer. Maybe it’s because of my own depression that I see things so negative